Coming out on the conservative web

As one of the first generations to grow up with the internet and modern-day technology, the media has always greatly impacted Emily Crawford. The prevalence of so-called ‘Red Pill’ content posed a challenge when it came to exploring her queer identity.

Identity — Conservatism — Media

Whether it’s how I dress, how I act, or my opinion on world matters, the online sphere has always had a hold over my decisions. As a queer person who only figured out who she was in her late teens, I think that people online and their opinions did affect my self-acceptance. This is also despite my telling others that I don’t care how people perceive me, as my queerness seemed to be the exception to that rule.

When I was younger, I was fully, 100 per cent convinced that I was straight. That the men I found attractive on my screen would manifest themselves in real life. You can imagine my disappointment when all the boys I knew had bad dandruff and wore too-tight jeans. If I had a conversation with younger me, she would be shocked that I like everyone except men now. It’s also quite entertaining how my so-called taste in men is now my taste in women. It’s a bit comforting to say that some things will never change.

While most people say that they had some indicator at a young age that they were queer, I honestly had none. The shock I had at 16 when I finally figured it out was slightly startling. I physically felt my brain chemistry changing as I asked myself the classic, “Am I gay?” question. This came after Sophia Di Martino graced my laptop screen in 2021 during the first season of Marvel’s Loki. Very much exposing myself with that, but alas.

Being stuck on a very heteronormative, or ‘conservative’ side of the world wide web when I was younger definitely didn’t help with my self-reflection. I know this isn’t very shocking information, but I hope some others can relate.

Even though I was never homophobic, I definitely wasn’t allowed to be gay. No one told me that I couldn’t be; I just decided for myself. The life I saw online, being a straight woman with a husband, was seemingly what I wanted.

Being on the internet for just a day will also show you that there are a lot of people who don’t like those in the LGBTQ+ community. Conservative political groups are increasingly prevalent in the world right now. The current US President isn’t making it easy to live in that big country, as he’s trying to make the nation more conservative and traditional. Every time I hate-download Twitter (or X), all I see are posts by Musk, Trump and everyone else who agrees with them.

I know that if I were younger and looking at all this, I would be flat-out confused. That’s not because I would ever agree with what they’re pushing, but because a world leader who hates so many people for no given reason is confusing to process for anyone.

As I don’t consider myself a very interesting person, I also looked at this from an outside perspective. The media isn’t just giving others new ideas, it’s giving them a whole new way of thinking. Keeping in mind that this opinion is coming from a writer instead of a doctor or psychiatrist, it should be taken with a pinch of salt.

The influence of media on young minds has been an ongoing topic of conversation for a long time now, dipping in and out as more relevant content becomes available. Some examples are the Netflix show Adolescence, which came out this year, and Andrew Tate throughout the past few. In Adolescence, Jamie, the young boy, keeps saying that he “didn’t do anything wrong” when confronted with his crimes, rather than saying he didn’t do it. He seeks validation from the child psychologist that his continuous problematic actions are justified, and he thinks himself superior because apparently other boys his age would’ve done worse. We see a young boy who spent a lot of unsupervised time online have a completely different way of thinking to those around him. It shows us that someone who grows up with a loving and attentive family still manages to think ill of those seemingly less than him, partly because of the content he consumes. This includes how he thinks of women, despite having a loving mother and sister.

The infamous Andrew Tate is also mentioned in the show. This man, whom I don’t necessarily want to give more of a spotlight to, has been telling so-called ‘real men’ to find themselves a woman who will bow down to them. Although these two examples are mainly rooted in misogyny, I believe that they coincide with homophobia in the media.

I was lucky enough to grow up without any prominent names like Tate’s (from what I can remember anyway), but I still knew that these outlooks existed. I was still considered a ‘baby gay’ by the time Tate came around, meaning that while I was trying to do a deep dive into my sapphicness, my timeline was being bombarded by ‘traditional’ mindsets.

Now for me, being queer doesn’t mean that I don’t agree with some traditional things. I still want a good education and believe in its worth. I still want to get married and possibly have kids, and I wouldn’t mind working in an office. I also believe that hard work will always pay off in its own way, even if it doesn’t seem like it at the time. I still think that people can be traditional without infringing on the rights of others. I also understand and appreciate that traditional things won’t always work for everyone, and that’s perfectly fine.

As it has been 10 years since same-sex marriage was legalised in the lovely Éire, it feels right to bring this up too. While the community was fighting for their rights to legally marry the ones they love, the opposition was telling the nation that “Every child deserves a mother and father”. This rhetoric exposed how a lot of people feel about our community. Things could have ended up differently if that idea had spread further. If the opposition won, would we be able to legally marry today, or would we still be scratching our heads over the ballot box?

Of course there is still stigma around LGBTQ+ people and their sex, expression, way of living and morals, but what’s so wrong with queer people versus our straight and cisgender counterparts? Why are so many people concerned with what trans people do with their bodies, when knee surgery has a higher regret rate than gender-affirming surgery? Why is it that being attracted to the same sex, or even no one at all, is still seen as a crime to some?

I will never not love the western videos, the homesteading tutorials, or much of the other ‘traditional’ media I see online, but some creators need to realise the worth of their word. No matter how much child-proofing is set for the internet, there will always be leaks.

To conclude, ‘conservative’ and ‘traditional’ media aren’t necessarily the same thing, as I think that we should be able to learn from others without hurting them. As a lesbian, I love listening to people’s opinions about eating more whole foods and how to be more ‘crunchy’, but my identity and self shouldn’t be damaged in the process.