A DIFFERENT KIND OF BUZZ

For some, summer is synonymous with increased drinking and alcohol-fuelled partying. However, chosing a sober lifestyle is increasingly common; Nicole Lee discusses why.

Ilove queer bars. I love meeting new people, squeezing around a table, and talking and laughing spontaneously. That first pint of the night used to feel so freeing, until it felt compulsory.

Everyone’s sobriety journey is different and layered with deeply personal factors. My drinking was never out of control. At my ‘worst’, I was only drinking two to three nights a week. But it felt like my social life revolved around alcohol, and I could feel the effects lingering in my body days later.

Beginning with a 30-day sober stunt in May 2022, I gradually reduced my drinks down to five a week, and then five a month. In 2024, I had less than 20 drinks all year. I felt good about this amount, but if I’m being honest, I was torturing myself.

Even though I was only averaging a couple drinks per month, I was thinking about alcohol constantly. At every social event, I agonised over whether a drink was worth it. I was doing mental gymnastics over a glass of wine, and it was exhausting.

We tend to associate alcohol with rebellion, freedom, and uninhibited joy. When I spotted a coffee mug that said, “sobriety delivers everything alcohol promised”, it just clicked for me, I wanted to experience freedom from alcohol.

This January, after years of gradually reducing my alcohol intake, I decided to try a full year of sobriety. And I’m not alone.

While data suggests alcohol consumption tends to be higher in LGBTQ+ spaces, sober nights out are increasingly common, with DrinkAware reporting that 54 per cent of 18 to 24-year-olds want to drink less.

For some people, it’s a physical health thing. Alcohol impacts gut health, digestion, and every organ in the body. Following recent research that confirms alcohol damages DNA and increases the rate of cancer, in 2026, Ireland will become the first country to label alcoholic beverages with cancer warnings.

For others, it’s a realisation that alcohol slowly deteriorates mental health. We tend to associate drinking with that first buzz, before the depressant effects make us feel blurry and sick. Alcohol interferes with serotonin levels and neurotransmitters which exacerbates mood and anxiety disorders. It’s easy to self-medicate and get trapped in a cycle of drinking, recovering, and drinking again. When I learned that my baseline dopamine levels were lower than a non-drinker’s just because I’d had a drink 10 days before, I knew I wanted to take a break.

I’m only a few months into my Sober 2025, but I feel so much peace with this decision. I spoke with a couple folks who are further along in their alcohol-free journeys about the challenges and joys of being sober in LGBTQ+ spaces.

Amy has been sober for two years. While she knows going somewhere new for the first time can feel intimidating, she says being sober “gives you and your body an opportunity to truly evaluate if you enjoy being in that space” without being clouded by alcohol.

She tends to gravitate to alcohol-free events where she can bring a friend, like book clubs. She said, “I’ve found that in sober spaces, the connections often run deeper.”

Danielle has been sober for 12 years and finds sobriety to be a “much more enjoyable state to be in.” One of her favourite feelings is being on a dancefloor enjoying the music without worrying about making a fool of herself due to alcohol.

“I have found that being sober means I am more alert, so can take in the atmosphere of everything happening—the music, the people, the outfits, the energy—in a much clearer way.”

People tend to feel like drinking helps them navigate social settings, but going to a new event drunk often means waking up dehydrated and full of hangxiety.

Even though she has social anxiety, Danielle feels more at ease going to alcohol-free events because she knows other attendees will be clear-headed and likely a bit nervous like herself. She said, “Knowing an event is going to be alcohol-free is reassuring to me because I know that I won’t accidentally sit beside a drunken stranger who starts to encroach on my personal space or tries to have a drunken conversation with me.”

Quitting alcohol tends to make people more aware of other people’s drinking habits which can be challenging, especially for people in early recovery.

Amy said sobriety made her consider “how much drinking culture can dominate social life.” And now, she tends to be more intentional with “choosing more inclusive hangouts with activities rather than just going to the bar.”

Most of Danielle’s friends aren’t big drinkers either anymore, but she remembers the unpleasant feeling of having someone suddenly show up and throw their arms around her while slurring their words. To navigate this kind of behaviour, Danielle learned to meet friends earlier for food or other fun sober events and then part ways when they want to start drinking.

She knows a quick exit may sound cold or harsh, but leaving “with a short goodbye before folks get too drunk or messy” is often the best course of action, especially for people who have trauma around alcoholism or may feel pressured to jump into a caretaker role.

Danielle stopped drinking in her late 20s and knows she wouldn’t be comfortable dating someone with different drinking habits. She said it’s a matter of “differing interests and preferences about how to spend our free time.” Beyond that, “I don’t want to have a partner whose personality might change when they are drunk, or who drinks so much they are ill, or spends every Sunday recovering with a hangover.”

Most people will encounter some resistance in their body when they give up alcohol. It’s an addictive substance and even if you aren’t actively in recovery, cravings occur. There are loads of techniques to deal with this. Danielle suggests asking a friend to play an online game with you, watching your favourite film, blasting some music, going for a walk, screaming into a pillow, or “whatever you need to do to pass the time until that urge subsides.”

For anyone in the early stages of sobriety who may be struggling to stay sober, Danielle says to “focus on getting through the next 10 minutes, then hour, then day.” She also recommends looking into techniques to rest your vagus nerve or distract your body, “such as squeezing an ice cube or triggering your mammalian dive reflex.”

If you know a stressful period is coming up, she recommends preparing by researching some tools and methods to help. She suggests: “Write out a few techniques and place them somewhere accessible” so they are there when you need them.

Amy tries to “stay really honest” with herself and her people. “If I’m in a rough patch, I make sure I’ve got some sober tools ready—whether that’s therapy or just texting someone I trust. Remembering why I’m sober (anxious girly) and how much better I feel without the spiral helps keep me steady.”

When it comes to talking about sobriety and dealing with friends who may not be supportive, Danielle said: “I’m a big believer in people doing what they need to do for their own health. The reason I don’t drink is complex and not something I care to share with everyone in my life.” At first, Danielle told people she couldn’t drink because she had an alcohol allergy. “It wasn’t technically true, but people rarely asked follow-up questions.”

Danielle said: “It’s nice to be able to share openly with friends and family you trust and who understand, but it’s also perfectly fine to keep the real reason private and to just say whatever story or little white lie you need to in order to get people to accept your decision.”

When new people question why she has a Pepsi in front of her rather than a beer, she has found that firmly and confidently saying, “I don’t drink alcohol”, is usually enough.

Amy said she likes to share her experience when it feels right. She said: “I do think it’s healthy to talk about it openly. Sometimes it sparks good conversations and can allow people to get to know you better or helps someone else feel less alone in their own relationship with alcohol.”

Personally, I love thinking about sobriety in terms of what I’m gaining verses what I’m losing. Being alcohol-free often means more energy, time, peace, mental clarity, and mindfulness. It gives me a sense of safety and control because I can tap into my playful self, but on my own terms, without a substance. I have so many blurry, happy memories with people I barely knew on the Street 66 dance floor, but I’ve had deeper, happier, more fulfilling nights out since I’ve been sober. I get to experience a full range of emotions which feels like an opportunity to feel closer to my queer community instead of numbing it out. Perhaps, most importantly, I feel more like myself.

Sobriety also offers me the time and energy to show up for my LGBTQ+ community in essential ways that are difficult to do under the influence. On a personal level, being sober means I’m always fully present and able to offer support when friends experience transphobia or threats to their personal safety. On a bigger scale, it means I am always early to protests and I have the time, focus, and energy to stand up against inequalities, injustices, and discrimination.

To conclude, here are some tips for anyone planning their first sober Pride:

“I would recommend having one friend that will be your buddy knowing that this is a sober event for you. They can provide support and conversation if you’re feeling anxious.” - Amy.

“Have a look at the schedule for events not centred around drinking like Laughter Yoga or a Coffee and Painting session. Pick a few that interest you and think of this as an opportunity to try something new.” -Danielle.