JONATHAN HAYES ON BEAR CULTURE

Once I was told in a gay bar that I was too fat and hairy to be part of gay culture. The bear subculture taught me different.

Bear Culture

I am a very stereotypical bear. Big beard, hairy head to toe, and a little bit chunky. It took some time, but I am very comfortable with how I look, specifically my body hair and size. I won’t bore you with the details of growing up as a very fat, gay, and on top of it all, hairy kid, so let’s summarise it into this: I truly hated how I looked. Now, skip a few years, and hell of a lot of self-acceptance later, and I embrace how I look wholeheartedly. I actually really enjoy being a bear now.

A WHOLE SUBCULTURE FOR ME

I remember once being told in the smoking area of a gay bar that I was too fat and hairy to be a part of gay culture. The guy was right about the fat and hairy part, but I was not supposed to be in gay bars or be a part of gay culture? That part hurt! I got over it pretty fast and just put it down to him being a foul human, but I’ll never forget it.

A few years later I found out about gay bear culture. I was intrigued. I looked into and I loved the idea. Who needed that guy in the smoking area when I had a whole subculture for my larger and furrier self to belong to and be embraced by? Since then I have gained so much self-respect and so many friends because of that subculture. If I was not a bear, I would not have had that personal journey, and I am glad I had it. It was a huge part of my personal development.

I am currently living in Asia and seeing guys as hairy as me is certainly not an everyday thing. I find it amusing to see how people react and have fun with it. I just laughed along with the local who started calling me monkey. I enjoy the ongoing joke with a restaurant manager who regularly pulls at my beard to see if it’s fake or not, because it so thick. I enjoy hearing the new shapes my friend always says he wants to shave into my back hair. I don’t particularly enjoy when my friend pulls hair from my shoulders, but hey, you can’t win them all. I used to feel like being called “bear” was insulting, and now I kinda love it.