B efore BI-Monthly existed, it lived as a concept, within the pages of countless journals I’d written. When I discuss bisexuality, it is often misconstrued. The B in LGBTQ+ represents fluid sexuality, not a binary code. Julia Shaw said it best in her book, Bi: The Hidden Culture, History and Science of Bisexuality, when she described bisexuality as attraction to both same and other genders.
In 2021, during the Covid times, I began seriously exploring ways to create dedicated spaces for the bisexual community in Ireland. It was the first real step towards building something tangible for our community. It would only be in 2023 that those ideas finally became a reality.
If there is a lack of representation of who you are out in the world, in media and social spaces, it can leave you feeling like an outsider where you are supposed to belong. That alienation is an experience many who attend BI-Monthly have shared with me.
I started BI-Monthly in April 2023 at Outhouse LGBTQ+ Centre in Dublin. I was looking for a safe space that would be supportive of what I wanted to create, and Outhouse seemed like the perfect fit. I didn't know if anyone would show up or not, but to my surprise, others came. And they came in their numbers.
That summer, Outhouse collaborated with Dublin Bus in a campaign for Pride that centred the bi community. It was a special moment that felt meaningful, as a step towards greater visibility and bisexual representation.
We’ve been meeting twice a month for the last three years and our community has continued to grow. We now have over 150 active members with new members coming along to each event. Some people have regularly been attending since its inception, while others come along intermittently. Whether it's your first time at our meetup or you’re popping in for a casual cuppa, our group always offers a warm welcome. Having so often felt ostracised, it is a core value that no one feels like an outsider here.
As BI-Monthly continued to grow, it became more than just a social meetup. People began forming lasting friendships, support systems and genuine connection within the community.
Padraig, who became an important support in helping run the community with me, described feeling disconnected from queer spaces before finding BI-Monthly: “Although I’d been out as bisexual for years, I never felt like part of the queer community… For the first time, there’s a queer community for me to be a part of, and to help build up so that others never need to feel like that community doesn’t include them.”
As well as our in-person social group, we have a thriving online community that continues to grow. Building these spaces has been important, as so many of us continue to feel unseen.
Dr Kat Ledden of Psycare said, “I particularly appreciated the feeling of acceptance in the BI-Monthly community. It is so important to connect with people like yourself and share experiences. To see others living, often thriving, is to feel represented and seen.”
Last year, we were part of Dublin Pride for the first time. It felt meaningful to have bisexuality reflected openly at Pride, in a public space, and reflecting a broader Irish society. Even though statistically, those rep’d by the B in LGBTQ+ are the largest group within our community, we continue to experience marginalisation and bi-erasure.
Our sexuality doesn’t fit into a neat box. Regardless of a partner’s gender, we are still bisexual. There is nothing to be confused about; bisexuality is a full and valid sexuality.
A shared experience that comes up amongst our group is that of being queer within a ‘straight presenting’ relationship. When you see a couple like this, take a pause. Not everything is as it seems. You may be misreading two queer individuals braving PDA, fearing judgement, misunderstanding and alienation. Bisexuals are already experiencing erasure within LGBTQ+ spaces. Real inclusion needs to be tangible and not just exist in theory. Bi-erasure happens, and we need to do better as allies, friends, and even lovers of bisexuals.
One of the events we ran was a crossover between BI-Monthly and Fluid Club for a Valentine’s Fluid Speed Dating event. Created specifically for the fluid community, we had a full house, and it was great to see so many of us out in real life, making in-person connections. This year, we’ll be celebrating Pride with the return of Fluid Club – Ireland's first dedicated club night celebrating the bisexual, pansexual, fluid and the flexible – at Hen's Teeth on Friday, June 19. For tickets and more info, check out @fluidclubdublin.
Our community prides itself on acceptance, inclusion and encouraging self-expression to its fullest. We call it ‘Pride’ for a reason. It's time to fully embrace the B in LGBTQ+ in a real and meaningful way.
For me, bisexuality was never a choice. Just like being gay or straight, it just is. Attraction has never been defined by gender.
BI-monthly takes place every second Thursday from 6-7:45pm in the Outhouse Café and is always open to new members. Find out more at @bimonthlyireland.