FAMILIES FIRST

There are countless reasons why LGBTQ+ campaigner Ranae von Meding was awarded Person of the Year at the 2024 GALAS. In the weeks leading up to the ceremony, the Equality for Children CEO spoke to Nicole Lee about her story and how it continues to influence her tireless activism.

Imagine: It’s a Friday afternoon in December. You and your wife are heading to the courthouse alongside your children and buzzing with excitement. Today, you are finally becoming the lawful parents of your kids. After four years of fighting for this basic right, you are fully ready to celebrate this milestone, but inexplicably, your case is rejected.

This was Ranae von Meding’s experience four years ago. Achieving marriage equality in 2015 should have included equality for LGBTQ+ parents, but this was not the case. However, when the Children and Family Relationship Act came into effect in May 2020, same-sex couples who met certain criteria finally gained a legal connection with their children. Those with existing children could apply for a Declaration of Parentage and re-register their births with both parents on the birth certificate. Ranae’s family completed this process and appeared before a District Court judge in December 2020. “That was supposed to be our day. We had gotten all dressed up. We had a photographer ready!” she remembered.

Shockingly, the judge, who was familiar with Ranae’s activism and the publicity it generated, found a loophole and denied the family’s request.

“Normally, I’m very good at keeping it together. I don’t really let anyone, especially my kids, see how all of this affects me, but that day, I just remember I was inconsolable.”

In an Instagram post after the gut-wrenching experience, Ranae wrote: “1584 days ago we became parents. For every second of the last 1584 days we have been a family... and yet we have not been a legal one. Ireland dictated that I would be a single parent and my wife, our babies’ parent, would be a legal stranger to them.

“Ireland is not an equal country, and certainly not for the children of LGBTQ+ families. Most of them still only have the right to a legal connection with one of their parents. My heart breaks for my children and for all the families who are still not equal. How many days will we have to wait?”

Ranae told GCN: “I knew we would get it. I knew we would just resubmit all the paperwork. We’d see another judge. It would be fine. But it was right before Christmas and she said no to my family. She was allowed to do that, and it was horrible.”

Even though her children have always had two loving parents, Ranae had to register as a single mother after each child was born. “The first time it happened was one of the worst days of my life, and then the second time, and then the third.”

Ranae’s wife eventually gained legal recognition for their first two children when their daughter was five, but their eight-month-old still only has one legal parent. It doesn’t matter that he is from the same cycle of IVF as their middle child, he doesn’t qualify “because of a technicality, the date of conception, in terms of when the law commenced.”

If something happened to Ranae, her son would be orphaned, but her daughters would not. “They have another parent. He doesn’t until the law changes or we progress another legal case.”

These experiences are overwhelming, but ultimately spur Ranae on to campaign further for equal treatment of LGBTQ+ families across Ireland. Same-sex parents are still not equal. It is the reason she keeps fighting.

Ranae has been actively fighting for about 10 years now, and the most challenging part of her work continues to be the unending legal battles. “I cannot get my head around how long it’s taken,” the activist expressed. While some people assume legal recognition is just a piece of paper, that piece of paper gives parents the power to make essential decisions for their children. From the hospital heel prick test and all the medical appointments in the first months of life to opening a bank account or applying for school, “everything has to be consented for by the legal parent.” Same-sex parents must pursue legal rights for each child separately in a burdensome experience that takes an emotional toll.

While this has been the most challenging thing I’ve ever done, parenthood is the best thing I could have dreamed of.

Since the Children and Family Relationship Act came into effect in 2020, roughly half of same-sex parents gained the right to be on their children’s birth certificates, but this is not enough. Additionally, the recently passed Assisted Human Reproduction Act, which focuses on surrogacy, addresses some limitations of the first legislation but also has several shortcomings.

With her team at Equality for Children, Ranae continues to push to make Irish law equitable with a private members bill written by LGBT Ireland’s Claire O’Connell which covered children “regardless of how, where or when they [were] conceived”. Unfortunately, the government refused to progress this bill. “Instead they gave a commitment to put those amendments into the Assisted Human Reproduction bill,” but have not followed through entirely on this promise.

In the end, there should be two pieces of legislation that deal with donor conception. “We definitely have one small piece over the line,” Ranae said, referring to the agreement to retrospectively grant parentage to those who conceived outside of a clinic up until 2020.

In addition to all of the undue stress it causes for parents, delaying the outstanding legislation is not in the best interest of children. “It’s something that’s so fixable,” she laments, “but it just hasn’t happened.”

As the CEO and founder of Equality for Children, as well as a mother of three young kids, Ranae admits that her days are busy. “Even walking over here, I have about 30 different tabs open in my brain.”

Some tabs are personal: her kids, her wife. Many reflect her endless work with Equality for Children. And then, there’s her day job. “I work in marketing,” she says, casually, “and I’ve just managed to sign myself up for the school council. I’d resisted until now, but they need people.”

Ranae wakes up at around 5am and spends her mornings caring for her baby, making breakfast, preparing lunches for her older kids, and getting everyone out the door. After a full day’s work in the fertility industry, she spends her evenings preparing for board meetings and running social media for Equality for Children.

“It’s always go,” but Ranae manages it with grace. “I thrive on being a busy person,” she says.

When the GALAS hosts announced Ranae as the 2024 Person of the Year, the room erupted into applause. Ranae was clearly surprised, but the people who know her were not.

Standing at the podium, she shared: “When we formed Equality for Children, we couldn’t imagine the impact the organisation would have.”

Ranae expressed her gratitude for all of the incredible people she’s worked alongside in the fight for change, including LGBT Ireland and Irish Gay Dads, noting: “Without a handful of people who have kept this going, it would have stopped a long time ago.”

She offered a special mention to Elaine, Chairperson of Equality for Children, for being a “voice of reason” who “keeps me calm when I want to unleash hell.” She also thanked her wife, Audrey, sharing: “It’s not easy going up against the government.”

Speaking separately to GCN, Ranae offered this advice for young queer couples considering having children: “Don’t let my story put you off, because while this has been the most challenging thing I’ve ever done, parenthood is the best thing I could have dreamed of.” She says being a parent is her “favourite thing about being alive,” adding, “While there are many other facets to who I am, it’s the one thing that I would never give up.”

She assured future parents that there are many pathways to parenthood and “we will get to a point where all families are treated the same.”

Ranae knows that despite the progress made, there is still a long way to go, and she has pledged to never stop fighting for LGBTQ+ families. “So many babies are born into unknown legal standing where one of their parents will be a legal stranger to them. We cannot stay silent.”