Janice Moran’s mom is trailer-trash, and…

Olivia Newton John does not have a life (worth lming)

Olivia Newton John is a cultural icon. The Aussie singer has had international chart success and even represented the UK in the Eurovision. And that was before she took on the career-defining role of ‘Pretending to like kissing John Travolta’ in the movie Grease.

It’s no big surprise that her life would eventually be made into a film, but Australian TV has jumped the gun and made Olivia Newton John is a cultural icon. The Aussie singer has had international chart success and even represented the UK in the urovision the career-defining role of ‘Pretending to like kissing John olta’ in the movie It’s no big surprise that her life would eventually be made into a film, but Australian TV has jumped the gun and made a biopic already. #TooSoon a biopic already. #TooSoon

Newton-John says she’s uncomfortable about it and won’t watch it. And she swears that’s not because she’s being played by Delta Goodrem. about it and won’t watch it. And she swears

Elton John is a B.O.Q

Sir Elton John has started beef in his time with loads of slebs, like Madonna, Gianni Versace and Lily Allen. Well, the Bitch is Back and his latest target seems to be his ‘good mate’ Ed Sheeran. Elton says that he’s sick of hearing the ginger one on the radio and revealed that he told Ed that his time on top would come to an end. (He gave the same advice to David Furnish.)

Hmmm... Ed constantly tops the charts while Elton hasn’t scored a Number One since Princess Diana moved home from Paris. Sir Elton of John is definitely music royalty... but his rank is Bitter Old Queen (BOQ). his rank is Bitter Old Queen (BOQ).

Melania Trump is the laziest First Lady ever

Melania Trump has never been more popular. Some say it’s because Americans feel sorry for her. Others say it’s because she wears nice clothes. But I think people can see she’s serving up Laziest First Lady Ever – and that’s hilarious.

Melania never smiles, copies all her speeches from old Michelle Obama ones, and can’t be bothered to speak most of the time. She couldn’t even be arsed to find the extra words so her new children’s initiative, ‘Be Best’ sounds like it makes sense.

Piers Morgan is a Catholic See-You-Next-Tuesday

All the glitterati were out in force for this year’s Met Gala, where the theme ‘Heavenly Bodies: Fashion and the Catholic Imagination’ caused a bit of a stir. It was ideal for (whatever is left of what used to be) Madonna, who has been serving up Catholic Church Realness since the ’80s. Professional asshole Piers Morgan pretended to be offended on behalf of all Catholics, saying that their culture was being ‘appropriated’.

I don’t think an organisation that signs up babies before they can think for themselves can bitch about appropriation.

Roman Polanski Got Served (At Last)

With the #MeToo movement, sexually predatory creeps like Bill Cosby With the #MeToo movement, sexually predatory creeps like Bill Cosby and Harvey Weinstein are finally being held accountable. Most people think this is a good thing but not Roman Polanski, who says women are “hysterical” and “on a crusade”.

Polanski has reason to feel triggered. In the 70’s, he was accused of raping a 13 year-old in America. He denied everything and did what all innocent people do: he skipped the country. Hollywood ignored it all for years and Polanski even won an Oscar. But now he’s been booted out of the and Harvey Weinstein are finally being held accountable. Mo Academy and might not make a Hollywood movie ever again. Not unless he sets up a production with all of the other sex predators. God knows there are enough of them. cademy and might not make a Hollywood movie ever again.

Not unless he sets up a production with all of the other sex