Kevin & Rob’s Rocky Horror Wedding

“It’s about doing things, rather than just thinking about them, and personifying it as best you can,” says Kevin, and their wedding fit that bill in every respect, kicking all the traditional elements to the curb so they could have a celebration that reflected who they really are as a couple.

The two met just over a decade ago at work, when Kevin was doing his placement as a trainee psychologist.

“Our offices were across the way from each other,” Kevin remembers. “We were both in other relationships at the time, so we were friends to begin with. We hit it offand were spending a lot of time together, so it just developed from there.”

After their respective relationships ended it took about six months before the pair admitted that they were in a relationship with each other. “We’d both wanted to stay single and not jump into another relationship straight away,” says Kevin.

The two had a civil partnership in 2011, just a year after the legislation was introduced, and for that event they went the whole traditional hog.

“With the introduction of same-sex marriage here, there’s no real template, so you really can make it your own.

“We had it at Kinnitty Castle in Offaly,” says Kevin. “It was the whole thing, suits and ties and photographers, a blessing cerermony and a meal in a medieval dining hall. It was fantastic, we had a great time and the families loved it, but this time around wanted to do something that wasn’t so traditional.”

But before anything happened, the question had to be popped… again. And unlike the first time, which came without any bells and whistles, Kevin decided to use the stage at International Mister Leather (IML) in Chicago, where he was representing Ireland in 2015, to do the deed.

“He does things he’s not supposed to,” Rob laughs, when asked how he felt to be proposed to in front of 1,500 leather men.

“I forgot to say into the microphone that he’d said ‘yes’,” Kevin says, “so there were people coming up to me afterwards wanting to know if he had. Of course, everybody wanted to be invited to the wedding, and a lot of them came.”

Kevin won first runner-up at IML and as a title-holder spent much of the following year going to international engagements, which turned out to be all for the good when it came to wedding planning.

“With the civil partnership we kind of did everything in three months, and it was about making quick decisions,” Kevin explains. “With this we could take our time because we knew we had a year and a bit to find a venue we wanted, a theme we wanted and make decisions on whether we’d have a sit down meal or a band, or any of that stuff.”

Rob, being a fan of the film, was the one who hit upon the Rocky Horror theme for the occasion. It was a way, he felt, of incorporating the fetish community he and Kevin are part of, while getting their friends and family to think outside the traditional wedding box.

“In my private practice I see gay and straight couples who come for therapy amid the stress of getting married,” he says, “and one of the things you hear is that struggle of ‘I have to please parents’ or ‘I have to please members of my family who are important to me’. The person spends more time focusing on that rather than focusing on what relationship means for them going forward. Couples also struggle with each other over doing it the way that’s expected off them.

“With the introduction of same-sex marriage here, there’s no real template, so you really can make it your own.”

“Because we were doing it for ourselves, we wanted it to be a celebration not just of us as a couple, but of the friends we’ve found along the way,” adds Kevin. “Our idea was the event was for everybody, so while during the day we had the civil registry office ceremony, we were focused on the evening occasion. Our friends are our family too and it was really important for us to acknowledge that.”

Although there wasn’t a huge focus on the legalities at the civil registry office, the occasion brought a new emotional experience to the surface.

“It felt emotionally much more free,” says Kevin. “We already knew what we wanted and where we were in the relationship, from being together for so long, so our reason for doing it wasn’t the same reason as for doing it the first time.”

The pair wore bespoke made leather kilts and jackets for the ceremony and party. “They were custom-made by a company called Northbound Leather in Toronto,” Kevin explains. “They cost us some money, but we wear them every opportunity we get. Once you start wearing a kilt and you realise how comfortable it is, you wear it whenever you can!”

Kevin says he was “impressed” by the number of straight men who turned up at the wedding reception in fishnet tights and high heels. “The Rocky Horror theme allowed our family and other friends who aren’t into fetish to dress up and push their own boundaries in a fun way, and that’s what they did. It was easy to do it and not feel embarrassed.

“It formed a great icebreaker between everyone as well, people were talking to each other and mingling very quickly.”

There was none of the speechifying and first dances and cake-cutting that was part of their civil partnership, instead the pair allowed themselves to enjoy the evening on their own terms.

“As a gay person you undergo an entire process to try and discover who you are, and the first thing you do when you discover who you are is get back in the box,” says Rob. “It’s a safety mechanism in one way, but there’s also an element of ‘I must conform to what the expectations have always been’. A lot of people regret it afterwards.”

One of the guests at the wedding was Kevin’s father, who could not be at their original civil partnership.

“He said he was really happy that we did it the way we wanted to,” says Kevin. “He’d expected to come along and for it to be a typical wedding in the formal sense, and he was glad to see that we were happy enough in ourselves to do it our way, and to be ourselves wholly, and for our friends to be themselves too.”