Identity — Trans — Youth

Em — bracing my identity

As part of GCN and Belong To’s ongoing collaboration to platform a new generation of LGBTQ+ voices, Beth Clancy shares what it’s like coming out in a small town.

I came out when I was 12 years old. I remember asking my mam a few nights before, would she have kicked my brother out if he came out as gay? She laughed at me and reassured me she would never do something like that. She knew.

Of course she did. I’d listen to girl in red every night in my room and try to suppress that feeling, but it was practically impossible. I liked girls. I came out with a note I had shakily written the night before and gave to her. She hugged me.

After this, we went to Pride together. My first Pride was Dublin Pride 2019—me and my mam got Pride flags and rainbow flower garlands to wear around our necks. Since then, I’ve fallen in love with Pride. Seeing how colourfully everyone was dressed and how proud everyone was to be themselves, I found love for myself there.

Through a lot of time in lockdown and falling in love with drag, especially local queens like Victoria Secret, Davina Devine, Miss Roots and Veda Lady, I managed to come to terms with my gender identity. I finally came out as trans to my friends. My family found out through my Instagram pronouns. It was scary and not even all my family knew because coming out always makes me think: Why? Why do we have to? Can’t I just wear trans badges on my bag, and if asked, I’ll tell you my pronouns? Cis people don’t have to constantly come out.

Anyway, coming back to my little council estate and trying to keep up my love for my identity was hard. It made me close my identity off, especially being trans. With resilience and a few years, I managed to live in that same council estate, still queer, still trans, but now, I don’t care.

My way of coping is to be more and more queer, so my room is covered in what I love: cutouts from GCN, a Trixie Mattel Barbie doll and more trans flags than I can count. But the fear of going for a walk and having things thrown at me by kids who “don’t know any better” is still there. All of this is because of who I am and how I look (goth and trans!).

For me, the only way to overcome bullying is to find community. I went to many youth clubs, youth advisory panels and got to do amazing things with Belong To, like a storytelling session for the Marriage Equality 10-year anniversary celebration, where I met Panti Bliss; telling that same story on the Pride stage at Collins Barracks, introduced by Shane Daniel Byrne; and most nerve-racking of all, talking about trans rights in Dublin Castle with Annie Hoey, in front of role models like Jenny Maguire and Katherine Zappone.

My queer community is other LGBTQ+ activists. People who might seem regular to everyone else are, to me, the reason I can be myself unapologetically. I’m now in college studying youth work and have started doing theatre because I feel so much like myself when public speaking and on stage.

Last year, I hosted the first Trans Pride in Limerick with my friend, and we had 10 people. This year we had 40 people and more speeches, louder chants and more organisations like Mammies for Trans Rights, the Socialist Party and even Ollie Bell from Trans & Intersex Pride Dublin.

I hope to show young queer people that it gets better and worse and then better, but you will always have yourself and your community. At the end of the day, you have to be yourself because you are the only person you will forever have.

I want to see more people fight. Fight for trans people, Palestine and housing, and against climate change and racism. Just stand up and say something, find your community, go to youth clubs, go to queer events, go to meetings and gatherings, go to classes. Be yourself and stand with other people and your community to fight for what you want to see in your future. One voice is louder than none.

Belong To – LGBTQ+ Youth Ireland is the national organisation for LGBTQ+ young people in Ireland. Belong To offers weekly youth groups in Dublin for all LGBTQ+ young people, as well as advice, information and crisis counselling for LGBTQ+ youth, and supports LGBTQ+ youth groups across Ireland. Find information on all of Belong To’s work at: www.belongto.org.