Angie Dukakis has a third nipple, and…

Michael Flately Paid For His Own Movie

Tom Cruise has been a little quiet lately but, praise Xenu, he’s back with a new Mission: Impossible this summer! The last few Mission Impossible movies have moved towards comedy, with Simon Pegg featuring as Tom’s goofy comedy sidekick. Oh, how we all laughed!

But if Tom thinks he has the comedy spy thriller market stitched up, he’s going to be shaken with the news that Lord of the Dance, Michael Flately recently announced that he has just completed shooting the spy thriller, Blackbird with himself in the lead role. Flately landed the part because he paid for the movie to be made himself, but he hasn’t yet revealed if he’s going to be paying us to go see it.

Kylie Jenner’s lips are the very def nition of opportunism

It seems Kylie Jenner is on her way to becoming a billionaire – and she’s only 21. Then again, she did win the genetic lottery by being born into a family that was already rich and famous. I’ll accept that she did everything else all by herself.

Jenner first paid to get her lips made huge. She then set up a business selling lip kits, which have earned her millions. And now she’s had her lip fillers taken out because she doesn’t like them. That, ladies and gentlemen, is the very definition of opportunism.

A pride of lions ate some poachers

If you’ve ever seen The Italian Job, you’ll know that, when it comes to committing crimes, planning is everything. You need to do all your research in advance and get it right first time, otherwise you’ll get caught, get killed – or worse still – get remade with Marky Mark Wahlberg in the lead role. #vom

A little bit of research might have helped the poachers who recently broke into a safari park in Africa in the middle of the night to kill some rhinos. Sadly, the poachers weren’t expecting to meet a group of hungry lions and were attacked and killed.

It’s the Circle of Life, guess but thought everyone knew when it was Pride season?

Bebe Rexha is harder to recognise than Palestine

Anyone who has ever met a busy drag queen knows that sometimes ‘it’s just not a good time’. And every basic drag fan knows that a queen’s attitude is as fundamental as her wig and lashes. Well not Bebe Rexha, apparently.

The American pop singer recently got the hump with some of the queens from RuPaul’s Drag Race Season 10. Apparently, they were backstage at the same time as her and she went online later to bitch that they were “cold” and “didn’t recognise her without her hair and makeup”.

Bebe, baby. wouldn’t even recognise you if you were wearing a sign saying ‘I’m Bebe Rexha’.

Leo Varadkar is a total queen

There’s nothing like a royal visit to get Irish people to make fools of themselves and the visit of Prince Harry and Meghan was no exception. The kingdom’s biggest eejit Michael Healy Rae wore his fl at cap to meet the royals and swore that Harry had complimented it.

No Michael… “Nice hat!” is posh for, “You look like an idiot wearing that thing at a formal event. Besides, everyone already knows you’re bald”. #Scarlet4Kerry

And Leo Varadkar fawned over the Duke and Duchess like a YouTuber getting to meet an actual celebrity. Someone needs to remind Leo that he’s a queen and, even in a republic, a queen outranks a duchess.