Inside Out

I grew up in South Africa, and when I was nine I told my parents I was gay. I said, ‘I don’t like girls, I like boys,’ and they were fine. My mother was in her mid-40s when she had me, so I wasn’t expected. I have two brothers and one sister and there’s a 20 year age-gap, so I was quite a spoiled little brat. I still am, I suppose!

I left South Africa when I was 16 because I would have been conscripted into the army. We moved to Lancashire in the UK. I’ve been back to South Africa twice, but I don’t miss it really. It’s a beautiful country but it’s very poor in certain respects.

When I was 20 I met somebody and we bought a house together. Then I went to the Glastonbury festival and came back a hippy. I demanded that we sell the house, so we sold it, bought a bus and converted it. Then we went travelling in the bus. When we arrived in London we were approached by Gay Times, who did a feature about the two gay guys living in a bus.

We parked the bus on the Old Kent Road and stayed there for a year, working and everything. Then we split up and went our separate ways. I ended up running The Gloucester Pub in Greenwich, which featured in the film Beautiful Thing. Then I moved down to Portsmouth and opened a bar and nightclub there called Martha’s. After that I moved to Utrecht, Holland and lived there for a year, travelling and working.

I stopped over in Dublin on my way to New York, but my first day here, I got a job. I looked on the internet for places to go, and the first pub I went into was Out on the Liffey, where I started working. Everything just falls into place for me. I’m very lucky.

On the same day, I bumped into my partner as I was walking in and he was walking out. I said, ‘I want him’. It took me three months to find out who he was. Three days after we met again, we moved in together. We’re coming up to 24 years together next year.

After working in Out on The Liffey I took over managing the Dock Sauna. It was a very interesting job, seeing married men come in wearing their wedding rings and then going for a shower afterwards. They didn’t shower before they went in.; I found that hilarious. What annoyed me the most was that we’d give people free condoms and lube and they’d seldom use them.

I’ve noticed that more and more people are taking condoms. At Glamworld we get free condoms and lube from the GMHS and the customers seem to appreciate it more. I think it’s because people are more aware now.

It annoys me that Ireland’s gay pubs don’t put condoms out on the bar. If you go to Scotland every bar has free condoms displayed, not hidden in a dispenser in the corner. I’ve worked in gay bars in London, Manchester, and New York and we were always giving out free condoms and lube. It should be more like that here.

It’s a hell of a lot more tolerant over here than it used to be. Straight people are more friendly to the gay community and I find with the cinema that a lot of ‘straight’ men are coming in to experiment. They’re exploring their gay sides. Three years ago, we had one cabinet for butt plugs. Now, we have five glass cabinets. We advertise everywhere, so we get customers from all over.

There’s an advantage to buying things in person instead of online. In the shop I don’t mind taking things out of the box and explaining how they work. The personal touch is better. I can tell people my opinion as a gay man. Across the board – gays, lesbians, trans people – anal is the ‘hot new trend’. There are a lot of straight couples doing anal. I know a lot of couples, where he gets turned on by her using the strap-on before they have ‘full’ sex. There’s more experimentation going on.

When someone comes in to the shop I let them have a little look, and then ask them if they need help and tell them to let me know if they have any questions. I can usually suss in the first five seconds whether they’re gay or straight or whatever, and I make them feel at ease. That’s just what you do.

“ I find with the cinema that a lot of ‘straight’ men are coming in to experiment. They’re exploring their gay sides.