The subject of when a trans person should disclose their status in the bedroom is a tricky one, but according to TENI’s Toryn Glavin, the narrative needs to be turned around. Ater all, trans people don’t want to have sex with transphobes.

There has been much debate in recent years as to when a trans person should disclose their trans status in the bedroom. It’s a tricky subject, but one for the trans community alone to figure out. We have to factor in a number of different elements when deciding when and if we disclose this information.

Our own safety is a real big concern. Violence against trans people is still a real worry for our community and as such each of us must be cognisant of any danger when deciding when to disclose this information. In a world where ‘trans panic’ is still an allowable defence in the US for murder, we would be naïve to not consider our own safety and the dangers which obviously still exist.

But, and this will come as a shock, cis people’s tastes are not an important factor. If you truly believe that sleeping with a trans person is somehow ‘different’ and that we are ‘deceiving’ you, then please for the love of Beyoncé tell us. Unsurprisingly, that’s a deal-breaker for us too. We do not want to sleep with transphobes.

There’s this narrative that trans people want to trick cis people into sleeping with us. This idea that we get a perverted satisfaction from it. We do not. Last year writing for GCN I stated that the “trans community should learn that they are deserving of everything their friends and peers take for granted. A sex life should not be seen as a privilege for trans people, but should be taken as a given”.

That’s all we’re looking for, a sex life. Like everyone else. We’re not deceiving and we’re not playing games. We want to get off, just like everyone else.

There’s this strange dimension in which trans people exist. One where we are both hypersexualised and completely desexualised; a world where we are the subject of porn searches and yet we’re expected to be celibate.

Who does that really reflect on, though? I think if you look at it, really examine it, the issue of disclosure is not an issue caused by the trans community, rather it’s caused by other’s prejudices.

“ There’s this strange dimension in which trans people exist. One where we are both hypersexualised and completely desexualised; a world where we are the subject of porn searches and yet we’re expected to be celibate.

To all of our friends and allies, you don’t need to know. That may seem harsh and it may sound arrogant, but you don’t. It’s 2017, sometimes a dick doesn’t quite look how you’d expect and sometimes a pussy is not in line with your norms. That’s okay. Disclosure is part of a bigger problem around norms being forced on trans people. Norms that we don’t, and have no wish to, fit into.

So let’s just accept the diversity of bodies out there, and get the ride.