Inclusion — Identity — Reform

WORKING BEYOND BINARIES

Many workplaces may claim to be LGBTQ+ inclusive, but the pressure to conform to the gender binary is everywhere. Nicole Lee spoke with non-binary people in Ireland about their experiences in work settings and what’s required to build more inclusive workspaces.

While pronoun labels and gender-neutral bathrooms are indeed important considerations, many inherently gendered workplace elements are often overlooked. Office social spaces, for example, do not always feel inviting for genderqueer employees.

Éadie (they/them) remembers a previous job with “a social divide in the office regarding lunch-time conversation”. Men congregated in one space, and women conversed in a separate group. “These ingrained social habits were quite strange to me, and I often found myself wondering where I fit in that team, socially,” they said.

Interdepartmental friendships are important for building camaraderie. Ideally, allies would recognise when gendered rules are in place and interrupt them by starting new discussions based on shared interests or advocating for new resource groups and inclusive social clubs.

Another challenge is office dress codes. In the past, River (they/them) has found it difficult to express their authentic self in work environments with regimented dress codes that follow a presumed gender binary. They know businesses want employees to embody the brand, but prescriptive gendered uniforms can feel like “having to bury parts” of their identity.

River shared that ignoring a major part of who they are for the sake of workplace suitability can feel like “taking a bribe” to be cisgender. They said: “I know myself, so it feels odd to yearn for small social reaffirmations, especially given that I largely present aesthetically as a cis man, but gender and sexuality have to be lived and shared, even if it is just in the small ways that have meaning to us.”

One of the easiest ways to build more inclusive workplaces is to be a good friend to trans and non-binary colleagues and advocate on their behalf. In this case, cis coworkers can call for dress codes that focus on professional standards using gender-neutral language instead of specifying uniform items specific to ‘men’ and ‘women’.

Sil (they/them) leads the Pride group in their office and at conferences, they always share their pronouns in their introduction. They haven’t felt pressured to conform to an inauthentic gender role in their current workplace, largely because they have been vocal about their transgender and non-binary identity.

Even though their working environment is generally progressive and accepting, bathrooms remain a problem. Sil suggested removing gendered signs and designating the bathrooms as urinals and cubicles, but the office only removed the men’s label, which is the bathroom with open urinals, and kept the other bathroom labelled as ‘women’.

“I don’t know how people are going to react if they see me in one or the other, so I use the disabled bathroom,” said Sil.

In addition to navigating social obstacles, non-binary employees often face undue stress in advocating for their correct name documentation and identification. “The Gender Recognition Act only facilitates binary transitions, and so I had to pursue the change by way of deed poll,” said River.

While the deed poll provided evidence to facilitate the necessary changes, River’s company had a bank account with one name and tax details with another. In addition to the fact that their gender was inaccurately recorded, the discrepancy between different forms of documentation made it more difficult to enter the payroll and have their name recorded within the company’s internal documents. It also made new introductions awkward since people expected to meet someone else due to computer systems that displayed their deadname.

“A non-binary option through the GRA would not entirely solve these problems, but it would be a push, particularly for firms which do not offer non-binary recognition on the basis of it not being a legal requirement or formally recognised category,” added River.

Sil commiserates with these experiences. “There is no process in place for when people come out at work and change their names legally,” they said. “There are so many different software programs that don’t speak to each other, and HR leaves it up to you to make those changes. My payslip had my deadname for over a year after I came out.”

The emotional weight of having to suppress your identity and adapt to an inauthentic gender expression feels exhausting, but for many genderqueer employees, being out at work is not a safe option.

In a 2017 survey by TENI, roughly 33 per cent of those surveyed witnessed transphobic jokes or comments in their workplaces, and 28 per cent were subjected to harassment, even after their colleagues knew they were transgender.

Éadie feels lucky to be working in a trans-inclusive space where they are surrounded by queer colleagues. Still, they wish “people were more informed about non-binary identities and didn’t assume people’s pronouns.” They describe navigating the gender binary as “a constant experience”.

When Éadie changed their pronouns on Slack and Zoom, their lead reached out in a supportive way, but most people they work with still don’t use their correct pronouns consistently because they haven’t taken the time to check. They acknowledge that, while they don’t consider this malicious, it can still feel exhausting.

Sil added their pronouns to their Workday profile, Slack, and email signature, but they still get misgendered. “I do my best to call people out every time it happens because I don’t want to let it slide,” said Sil. “When I first came out, it took me a few months to stop misgendering myself. I know the only way to learn this is through repetition.”

Éadie’s office had DEI training that covered trans and nonbinary identities. “Some colleagues treated it as a chance to learn and even asked me about my experience,” said Éadie. However, one colleague made “enbyphobic sentiments around the validity of they/them pronouns and non-binary identities generally.”

They continued: “He didn’t know I was non-binary, so it wasn’t directed at me, but when I pushed back against his poorly constructed arguments, I was supported by other colleagues.”

Ultimately, it is the responsibility of managers and leaders to build a workplace culture that is inclusive, but cis colleagues who claim to be allies have a role to play in speaking up. In addition to advocating for pronoun introductions anytime a new person joins the team, and educating yourself about genderqueer identities, I asked Sil, River, and Éadie for ways cis colleagues can be better allies.

Sil leads training where colleagues can ask trans and nonbinary people questions about their lived experience. They shared: “I think this is what is needed. People need to know how we navigate life. Cis people often don’t realise how much privilege they carry, and it’s valuable to just be curious. Read books and blogs, and ask respectful questions to trans people in your life so you can empathise more.”

While Sil always welcomes questions from well-meaning colleagues, it’s important to recognise that you aren’t entitled to ask overly personal questions, especially when it comes to deadnames. As Sil said: “Gender assigned at birth should only be disclosed to your doctors for medical issues; no one else is entitled to know this.”

River echoed this, asking that cis allies do the work to become the kind of people non-binary people know they can trust. For Éadie, just making an effort means a lot. They always appreciate when colleagues use they/them pronouns to describe them in Slack threads. “Something about seeing it written gives me a little boost of euphoria, and I think it is more likely to clue in other colleagues,” they said.

Éadie added: “If you want to go that extra mile, help your trans colleagues by correcting others when they use the wrong words.” Sil shared that the burden to correct pronouns should not always be on trans and non-binary people. “A good ally will notice and call out when someone is misgendered.”

Whenever work friends make a point of correcting others on Éadie’s behalf, they feel grateful: “This always made me feel supported. Make sure to check that this is something your trans colleague would appreciate, as this may not be safe for everyone.”

Also, don’t make a big production out of a mistake. Éadie had a colleague misgender them once. “When she was told that I went by they/them, she became awkward and defensive,” they shared. “Later, she sent me a long message on Slack apologising. This sort of thing just isn’t necessary, and it felt like the emotional burden was being transferred onto me.”

Éadie acknowledges that everyone makes mistakes, and it takes time to change entrenched ways of thinking. “If you use the wrong words, correct yourself and move on,” they said. “My manager misgendered me recently, corrected himself and apologised. Seeing people make an effort like this is heartening, and makes me more confident in holding others to the same standard.”

For any employers hoping to make their workplaces more gender inclusive, TENI provides training sessions on a range of topics, including Gender Identity and Trans Inclusion in the workplace. TENI’s Training Team is available at 01 873 3757 or office@teni.ie.

Belong To collaborates with businesses to deliver impactful training workshops, speakers, and employee engagement events on themes of allyship, trans inclusivity, and Pride. Certified Proud also offers in-person training sessions about trans inclusivity and pronoun workshops to help entire organisations support LGBTQ+ employees and build more inclusive environments.