Friends Are Family

Emma, Siobhán and Kiara have turned their friendship into art. All members of the Undercurrent cabaret troupe, Emma and Siobhán bonded many years ago over a mutual love of Dr Who and Strictly Come Dancing, while Kiara went the more direct route of marrying Emma. Their friendship and the Undercurrent gang are both built around creativity and support for each other.

“You can’t choose your family but you can choose your friends, and I think that’s true for a lot of gay people.”

As Emma says: “There’s that quote you can’t choose your family but you can choose your friends and I think that’s true for a lot of gay people. I’m very lucky in that I come from a supportive family, and Undercurrent is very much a family as well. It’s like a house where we look after our little drag babies. We’re a community of artistic friends.”

Kiara and Emma set up the group seven years ago as a means for people to work collaboratively on live cabaret shows, but never expected they would all become so close. As Kiara describes: “There’s like 30 of us now, people who used to be part of the troupe and don’t really perform anymore but are still very much in the friend group.”

Siobhán sums the gang up succinctly: “Our motto is – we’re here, we’re queer and there’s feckin’ loads of us.”

“Sometimes people don’t have family to go to, so they can talk to their friends.”

Cillian, Ashton, Sarah and Christopher met each other through a mixture of school and the BeLonG To and TENI youth groups. They love hanging out and going to the movies and are always there for each other, ready to help if anyone has a problem. As Ashton says, “We’re all in the same boat, so we’d offer advice on situations that we’ve gone through in the past.”

Cillian describes how much they mean to each other. “Friendship means people you can trust and depend on and that you can tell anything. You help them and they help you.”

The gang is excited about the upcoming Pride celebrations, with Ashton perfectly describing why: “It’s a place where you’re able to support people as well as being able to be comfortable and know you’re not going to have anyone judging you. You can be yourself in a place with thousands of people, and it’s almost like a comfort zone.”

Sarah agrees. “All your friends in the LGBT community come and support you, so you have all your friends around you.”

Christopher loves the theme of this year’s celebration. “It’s really nice. And it makes sense. Because sometimes people don’t have family to go to, so they can talk to their friends.”

Steven, Hannah, Nikolas, Dean and Elizabeth

“They’re always there for me whenever I need support. Sometimes it isn’t as easy for actual family to do that.”

Steven, Hannah, Nikolas, Dean and Elizabeth know each other through college and the internet, with Nikolas and Steven meeting through the Trans Peer Support Group.

For Nikolas, having friends who support his journey or who’ve made the same journey themselves, is so important. “Hannah is always mad excited to see how I’m getting on in my transition. Steven is a big support to me. Whenever I have worries, dealing with dysphoria, he’s always there to help me out.”

Sometimes life can get in the way, but the strength of their connection holds firm. “Friendship from all these people means a lot. We come in and out sometimes, but whenever we do come back it’s like we never really left. It’s so much better to embrace everything and everyone and just be friendly.”

The Pride theme this year really resonates with Nikolas. “I think you’re drawn to certain people in life and with my group of friends, that just happens to be true. And just so they know, I’m sorry, but they’re stuck with me now! They’re so important; they’re always there for me whenever I need support. Sometimes it isn’t as easy for actual family to do that.”

Nick and friends

“Your friends give you a sense of belonging, so they are your family in that way.”

Despite moving house a few times, Nick Costello and his husband Stu have been living in Stoneybatter for years. Coincidentally many of his closest friends live almost on his doorstep.

“It’s very much a village”, he says, “For this group, it’s a neighbourhood thing. They’re a combination of people that I worked with who became friends, some of their friends and family, and some of my husband’s friends, who are also my friends. I suppose community is another word for family.”

Nick describes what a positive impact their support has made on him. “Something that your friends give you, particularly if you’re from the same neighbourhood, is a sense of belonging. So they are your family in that way. And it’s not just because you’re of a similar opinion, because we don’t always have similar opinions, but there’s a sense of security. And also a really fun social group. Many of my friends don’t have children, and this might be a thing about gay men and women anyway, that we have an extended social life.”

Nick considers their family of friends to be instrumental in making their community the welcoming space it is. “They give me a sense of kinship”, he says, “and I hope they get the same from me.”

Sharon, Peter, Joe, Christina, Elaine, Albert, Paul and Shell

“We’ve been through so much and I know I can ask anything of them.”

Sharon, Peter, Joe, Christina, Elaine, Albert, Paul and Shell have dazzled Pride with their group outfits year on year. Although all our featured groups are close, these friends have gotten a little closer than most. As Elaine explains: “With stitching and sewing, sequins and sequences, routines and blusher, I have seen enough of their bits to do me a lifetime.”

In scenes which would be familiar to all really close clans, they “fight like cats and dogs, yet when the time comes, we all rock up as one to Pride, all glittered beards and bums. Just your average Irish family.”

Joe couldn’t imagine life without his gang: “They mean the world to me, we’ve been through so much and I know I can ask anything of them, except for cash it seems, but I will keep chipping away.”

With so many outfits and so many adventures, there’s enough memories for the gang to write a book, as Elaine describes: “I remember trying to cross Dame St as the Wizard of Oz. Glinda was standing in the middle of the road waving her wand and giving out to the Wicked Witch of the West. while the tin man, lion and scarecrow directed traffic around them. Surreal.”

OPINION:

Justin McAleese

The purpose of this year’s Pride theme is to encourage all of us to turn our own definition of family on its head and to think about all the diverse kinds of families there are in our world.

I occupy one letter in the LGBTIQ+ acronym. I’m married to a man. I canvassed for marriage equality. However, when I look at my circle of friends, in particular those who identify as L or G, it’s shocking to realise how ignorant and dismissive we are of the B, the T, the I the Q and the +. We’re now part of a socially acceptable box and many of us are happy to pull the ladder up after us and to ignore the plight and difficulties of our peers.

Ignorance is not an excuse. Ignorance breeds branding and isolation and makes people feel that they do not belong. Ignorance allows the ‘us’ and the ‘them’ divide to grow. The ‘us and them’ scenario has been used to belittle and isolate groups in society for centuries.

One organisation that is very good at branding and isolation is the Roman Catholic Church. Whether it is the role of women in our world, a person’s sexuality or marital status – the church has a track record of branding groups of people to isolate them. This year’s Pride theme - ‘We are Family’ – serves as a tonic to the arrival of the Roman Catholic Church’s World Meeting of Families to Dublin in August. Last year, the Bishop of Limerick said that it should be an inclusive event for all families, including gay families. He said about family: “It anchors us in life, defines us. It’s comfort when we are in difficulty and the first place to go to celebrate”.

However, since January the organisers of the event have removed inclusive language. LGBT+ pictures have been removed from their pamphlets and references to the LGBT+ community removed from videos. Despite these actions, the event organisers claim that the LGBT+ community is welcome – provided of course we’re not seen or heard.

The consequences of not being seen or heard can be seen in a 2016 study into the LGBT+ community carried out at Trinity College. It found that 56 per cent of LGBT+ 12 to 18 year-olds had self-harmed, 70 per cent had suicidal thoughts and one in three had attempted suicide. These are devastating statistics. We’re not talking about the old days here, we’re talking about Ireland today.

The Dublin Pride festival is an important annual contribution to making sure that we – in all our possible permutations and combinations – get the chance to be seen. and heard. It is an opportunity to challenge our country – and each of us – to think about the many diverse family types and identities who live here and who are entitled to respect and equality. It is an event that should place the spotlight on families on whom the spotlight never typically shineswho often feel excluded.

Pride is an opportunity for us to go unbranded for a day – to remove the ‘them’ from the ‘us and them’ and to make everyone feel that they belong in this great country we have regardless of who or what you are. As the Pride festival begins, we should think about what we’re doing in our own lives to bring us further down the road of equality. The road to equality is a long one and it will only be reached when it is reached for all… the B, the T, the I, the Q and the +.