Shirley’s Burn Book

Mariah Carariah Carey should spill the real beans should spill the real beans

Maddie Munchin eats her own body weight in Gummy Bears, like every day, and…

Mariah Carey is known to be a bit of a diva and it’s something that she’s good a playing up. But apparently, this has been a front to hide mental health issues. Mariah has decided to go public with the news that she is bipolar in the hopes that she can help remove some of the stigma.

Good for you, Mariah! That might explain your reputation for being ‘diffi cult’, but I’ll still need an explanation for that time you showed up dressed like Xena Warrior Princess in that bizarre Game of War advert

Nobody voted for The Kardashian-Trump Show

Kim Kardashian has decided she is a now grown-ass woman and wants to deal with real issues. These days Kimmy K wants to ‘leverage her celebrity to make a diff erence’ by highlighting social issues on the show. She got that idea from me, clearly… and recently Kim even talked her way into the White House to discuss racism and prison reform with President Trump.

That’s the reality show crossover that nobody voted for.

The Ireland Squad is gay as feck

A shout-out to the Ireland soccer squad who did their thing for divrsity by colouring in the numbers on their shirts with rainbows. It mightn’t seem like a big deal but in the notoriously homophobic world of international soccer, that’s the equivalent of showing up with RuPaul tattooed on to your arm. The boys in green made their statement in their recent friendly against the USA, who were probably terrifi ed about just how ‘friendly’ our lads were going to get. Final score: 2-1 to Ireland. Come on you boys in green… and yellow, orange, pink, purple and red!

Meryl Streep is not Chers baby gir is not Cher’s baby girl

2018 is shaping up to be the most ABBA annus since 1981. 2018 is shaping up to be the most ABBA annus since 1981.

La er in the year, ABBA are coming out of retirement t Later in the year, ABBA are coming out of retirement to er orm together for the fi st time in almost 40 years, but perform together for the fi rst time in almost 40 years, but efore that we ha e the ‘thrilling’ cinematic sp ctacle of before that we have the ‘thrilling’ cinematic spectacle of o enjo Mamma Mia: Here We Go Again to enjoy.

II still clench my buttocks when I think of Pierce Brosnan still clench my butt cks when I think of Pier e Br snan singing in the fi st movie, so God knows what to exp ct in singing in the fi rst movie, so God knows what to expect in he s quel. We do know that Cher mak s an appearance t t the sequel. We do know that Cher makes an appearance to play Meryl Str eps mother, which is just rude. Not one single play Meryl Streep’s mother, which is just rude. Not one single part of Chers b dy is older than any part of Meryl. part of Cher’s body is older than any part of Meryl.

Ed Sheeran concerts are ‘Straight Pride’

It’s Pride month. And you know whatt thatt means? Yes, loads of IIt’s Pride month. And you know wha tha means? Y s, loads of smartypants asking why we need a Pride Parade andwhen we ne d a Pride Par de and when the big g thering for ‘Straight Pride’ will b ? It’s almost the big gathering for ‘Straight Pride’ will be? It’s almost as if they’ve forgotten that Ed Sheeran played three d thr as if they’ve for otten that Ed Sheeran pla consecutive nights in Croke Park in May.

An Ed Sheeran gig is basically a series of unimaginativ An Ed Sheeran gig is basically a series of unimaginative straight blokes proposing to their underwhelmed girlfriends mingled with some folk tunes. If that’s the kind girlfriends mingled with some folk tunes. If that’s the kind of thing that you like, then that’s the kind of thing of thing that you lik, then that’s the kind of thing ou lik, and I’ll die defending your right to do it you like, and I’ll die defending your right to do it.

#SaveTraditionalMarriage!