Shirley’s Burn Book

Elisabeth Moss is hardly stretching herself

I am thrilled for Elisabeth Moss who recently won an Emmy for Best Actress for her role in The Handmaid’s Tale. Moss plays a woman who finds herself living in a creepy and authoritarian regime that spies on everybody and stamps out any criticism. That must have been quite a stretch for a Scientologist.

Taylor Swift – get in the ring!

I see Katie Taylor, Ireland’s favourite boxing Christian, is all set to challenge for the World Title soon. I’mma let you finish your punch-up Katie, but Taylor Swift deserves a chance at that title. After all, she has a reputation for fighting everybody too.

Ryanair are a pack of surrealists

When Ryanair began, people laughed at the idea of a ‘no-frills’ airline. But we grew to love the cheap tickets and were willing to accept that things like sitting with your kids is a ‘frill’. Michael O’Leary’s latest idea of cancelling all of our bookings seems a bit far-fetched, but I suppose that, when it comes to their flights, only Ryanair know what’s going to take off!

Maria Sharapova is out of her head

Maria Sharapova is barely back playing tennis after her ban for performance enhancers, and she’s already lost the run of herself. In her new book, Maria waffles on about her career rivalry with Serena Williams as if they were equals. FYI: Serena has won 23 major titles to Maria’s five, so the comparison is all in her head. Maybe Maria needs to get out of her head again.

Madonna needs an identity card

Poor Madonna had a frustrating time waiting on an international delivery recently, so she took to social media for a bitch (“I’m Madonna!”). Apparently neither the courier or the people in customs believed she was who she said she was – and not on account of all her facial surgery. Now I’m no expert, Madge, but, if you’re fed-up with FedEx, maybe you should find another way to get your material goods over the borderline? For a fee, I could introduce you to Ireland’s second best courier and girl gone wild Michaella McCollum.