Shirley’s Burn Book

Margaret Court is a grotsky beyotch

The only way some people can get attention these days is by being a ‘see you next Tuesday’. Look at Katie Hopkins or the Westboro Bastard Church, or follow my career more closely. Well, you can add Margaret Court to that list too.

You’re probably waaaaay too young to remember Margaret, an Aussie tennis champion from back when tennis rackets were made from wood and dinosaur bone. Nowadays Marge serves up anti-gay insults. She campaigned against same-sex marriage – # ‘Australian Abomination’ – and she’s recently revealed that there are “too many lesbians” in tennis. The neck on her! Then again, she would say that. Before LGBT players like the incredible Billie Jean King and Martina Navratilova came along, Margaret used to win all her matches.

Leo Varadkar should never have chislers

Yay for the Gay Taoiseach! But I’ve never forgiven Leo Varadkar for saying he didn’t believe that two gay men should be allowed to adopt children. Of course, he didn’t say which two gay men, but the two gay men he thinks of most are obviously himself and his fella. #justsayin

Dustin and Tom have skanky taste

Sure, aren’t Tom Daley and Dustin Lance Black great role models for the gay community, smashing stereotypes like nobody’s business. One has won an Oscar for drama, while the other is a world champion at posing about in Speedos. Now they’ve released photos of their new home, smashing the stereotype that gay men have flawless taste. It’s meant to be a Team GB themed pad, complete with Union Jack bedspreads and cushions. Sorry lads, it looks more like the interior of a Jack Wills store.

James Corden is a fugly murderer

I get it, James Corden! You think you’re funny, endearing and gas craic altogether. And you think you can sing just about anything. Showing offyour immeasurable talents is clearly the whole point of the irritating Carpool Karaoke videos that are all over my Facebook timeline like a rash. Listen James, the only reason people are watching is because we’re all horror movies fans who are convinced that, under the pressure of having to pretend to enjoy hearing you murder their hits, some celebrity is going to crack and hack you to death with a window wiper.

Ah here, Kathy Griffin, what were ya thinkin’?

What was Kathy Griffin thinking, posing for a photo with Donald Trump’s decapitated head? I know I should be a tad more supportive to her, as we are both underrated redheads with voices that could charm sea lions out of the zoo, but this is not the first time Kathy has shown a serious lack of ginger judgement. About ten years ago, she filmed part of her Emmy-winning TV series MyLife on the D-List at my show in The George and when the thing went on air, guess whose interview they decided to subtitle? Yes. MINE! So, subtitle this Kathy: Guess who’s back on the D-List now, beyotch?