HAVE YOU A PROBLEM?

Dear Dorothy,

I have been reading your column since the very start although I wasn't sure how serious you were because of the little pictures. I am not gay but my mother is and it was me who picked up the copy of Gay Community News in college and brought it home for my mother to read.

Now the problem I'm writing to you about is concerning my mother and her girlfriend. She has been living with us for the past 5 years but recently they've been fighting and arguing a lot. Usually it’s over silly little things like leaving clothes around the house. I have seen my mother cry a lot over their arguments and her girlfriend gets upset too.

The problem is I don't know what to do. Sometimes I hate coming back in the evenings because I'll find my mother moody as usual and just sitting around the house not interested in anything or anyone.

From a frustrated girl in Dublin

Dear Frustrated,

Firstly all letters received are taken very seriously.

Regarding the problem of your mother and her lover. Because they haven't written to me personally with their problems it makes it much more difficult for me to advise you or them. However, from what you've described I can see some classic routine symptoms rearing their ugly heads here. Arguing over what appears to be silly things is very common among couples who have hit a low spot and are feeling resentment toward their partner or very often toward themselves. This is usually a cover up for what they really want to say, e.g. "pick up your socks!" (I'm pissed off). They can either make or break their relationship at this point and this is where you can help. You said your mother was moping around the house. This is what you have to avoid. Encourage her to go out as much as possible. Go out with her if you can; she needs to get involved in some outside activity. Your mother requires other interests and hobbies to fill up her life and occupy her time, so that when she does see her lover again they will have new things to share and talk about. You'll be surprised how well this course of action can work. It's up to all three of you to get this plan into action.

I see you are from Dublin. The lesbian and gay community here in Dublin needs a lot of motivated, interested people. We have a lot of work to do and not enough people to go around. Perhaps your mother would be interested in getting involved. If not, there are plenty of other organisations, groups, clubs and activities she may be interested in. I wish you, your mother and her lover luck for the future.

Dorothy

SATISFYING WRITING

A lot of Satisfaction is promised in Rotterdam between 17-22 October next.

Satisfaction is the first, large scale festival of lesbian and gay writing in Europe. The six day long festival aims at a wide representation and investigation of lesbian and gay imagination and reality in writing. The event is being organisd by ALGWE, the Dutch branch of the Association of Lesbian and Gay Writers in Europe.

An estimated 150 authors, translators, playwrights, publishers, screen writers and historians from all over Europe are expected to attend the festival. A number of wellknown landmarks in the Dutch city will be used for the event including the Rotterdamse Schouwberg (municipal theatre), De Doelen Festival Complex and a number of cinemas.

The festival hopes to investigate the situation of lesbian and gay writing in many European countries, looking at the cultural, social, political and marketing perspectives. To this end a number of leading writers from throughout the continent have been invited to speak and make presentations. Among the guests are: Thomas Boehme (GDR), Sergej Dedjoelin (USSR, now living in France), Tom Wakefield, Maureen Duffy and Francis King (all from Britain), Ladislav Fuks (Czechoslovakia), Alberto Cardin (Italy), Liana Bog Borghi (France).

Cinematic presentations of writers like Sylvia Plath, Gertrude Stein and Oscar Wilde are also scheduled along with the work of new film makers.

All in all, it will be a feast of creativity and exploration which can only serve to stimulate the diffusion of lesbian and gay writing in translation throughout Europe.

Plans have already been made for the 1989 festival which will take place in Spain. The Dutch Minister for Culture is expected to open the festival in Rotterdam.

From David Shenton’s Phobia Phobia, available in bookshops now.