Cherish Maloney has a fungal infection, and…

Christina Aguilera is a sell-out

Christina Aguilera made a surprise lowprofile visit to Dublin recently and nearly broke the Irish internet. Xtina let the genie out of the bottle by posting an Insta snap (on Fade Street of all places) with the caption “Proud of my Irish roots”.

Despite all the talk of Irish roots, the singer wasn’t in town to hunt down long-lost relatives like the Aguileras of Abbeyfeale. Instead, she was here to perform at a secret event for an American insurance company. #Corporate #Dirrty In fairness to Xtina, the gig was at 3 Arena (aka The 02 aka The Point) in front of a capacity crowd who’d been flown in from the States… and not some crappy BBQ for ‘influencers’ at Facebook HQ.

After all, if you’re gonna sell out to the Corporate Candyman, you wanna sell out big.

Lindsay Lohan Get in the sea!

After the success of the remake of Disney’s Beauty and the Beast, next on the cards is Mulan. It’s not in cinemas until 2020 but they’ve already started shooting this tale of a cross-dressing Chinese girl who seduces her commanding officer and saves China from destruction. #goals Now that Disney is remaking all its classics as live-action movies, everybody wants in. Lindsay Lohan threw her hat into the ring by posting a picture of The Little Mermaid and Ursula the Sea Hag along with the caption: “My dream role, with Meryl Streep”. Obvs, think Meryl would be amazing, but I’m not sure Lindsay is old enough to pull off a convincing Sea Hag.

Katie Price is a skanker not a banker

It’s a whole new world for poor Katie Price. The former glamour model turned reality TV star turned failed popstar and businesswoman used to be worth £45 million but these days she’s facing financial ruin. Recently, she narrowly avoided bankruptcy by signing up to a plan to pay off her huge debts and to meet these repayments has taken to flogging personal possessions online. (Happy Birthday Davina Devine!)

But like her fragrances, stuff hasn’t been shifting fast enough so she’s had to cut prices. Her bright pink horsebox wouldn’t be to everyone’s tastes, so has been slashed by £130k in an attempt to flog it.

Sorry Katie. It might be going for a song, but not everyone wants a song from you.

Amber Heard is shit in bed

It’s normal for divorcing couples to air their dirty laundry in public as they finalise their break-ups, but the stories emerging about Johnny Depp and his ex- Amber Heard involve filthy laundry altogether.

According to the Daily Mirror, Depp once stormed out of the house after a heated exchange where he accused Heard of doing a number two in their bedsheets. #PooEmoji #AmberTurd

The Charlie and the Chocolate Factory star claimed his wife ‘dropped one’ in their marital bed because he was two hours late for her birthday party. In her defence, Heard blamed their incontinent dog Boo and called the whole thing silly.

Of course the real victim is the poor maid who had to put those sheets through a boil wash. What a shitty job!