Identities

June 29 saw the launch of the LGBTI+ Youth Strategy, led by Minister Katherine Zappone and chaired by Una Mullaly. The three-year strategy is a world first, addressing issues outlined by LGBTI+ young people and it promises to be a loudspeaker for the reform of attitudes and education in Ireland, addressing legislative measures in the sphere.

This new commitment of government support for Ireland’s queer youth was swiftly followed by recommendations for changes to be made to the Gender Recognition Act on July 18. If implemented, these recommendations would ensure greater rights for trans youths to access treatment under the age of 18, as well as legislating for intersex and non-binary rights.

There is a welcome, lively national debate happening around family, medical and human rights in the LGBT+ sphere, but despite the inclusion of more letters in the LGBTQIA spectrum, the full diversity of what it means to be queer in Ireland today is being overlooked or not taken seriously.

We need further discussion – and to hear more stories about queer experience – if we are to understand the full context and get a sense of the rich tapestry of our community, bringing queer issues of identity back to the forefront instead of categorising people’s lived experience within the narrow definitions of lesbian, gay, bisexual and trans. Here are some of those stories.

“I don’t really think about gender in a conventional way, because for me it’s such a spectrum.”

Laura, 32, identifies as Genderqueer

“I guess these days it has become more of an acceptable idea that gender can be a fluid construct. would say ‘genderqueer’ is a good term – that a person does not subscribe to conventional gender distinctions; subscribing to neither, both or a combination of male and female genders. For me it is predominantly a combination. don’t really think about gender in a conventional way, because for me it’s such a spectrum. What is the convention of being 100 per cent? What is female?

For a lot of years felt was trans, and battled with that a lot. But looking back feel it was because didn’t feel fully comfortable in the convention of what people would call the female gender. It was just this constant discomfort. As society would have it, just didn’t entirely fithat convention, so must have been on the other side of the spectrum.

At that time there were only two psychiatrists in the entire country who dealt with gender issues, trans issues and so on. got in contact with one of them by email, and he emailed me back inviting me to come and talk to him. was part of a wide social circle in which there were trans people that knew. was open-minded, my friends were open-minded, but felt anxious that wouldn’t feel comfortable going through with the transition. wasn’t comfortable in society’s distinction of a female, but if transitioned to the opposite end of the scale wasn’t actually going to be comfortable either. knew that deep down. l go through maybe six months of feeling predominantly feminine and then go through periods of feeling predominantly masculine. If you gave me the spectrum wouldn’t fion it, because it’s in flux. Through diff erent phases in life, for me anyway, it can’t be static.

It is a very harmonised duality. If don’t have to deal with social conventions then am quite harmonised, because I know that I’m not somewhere fixed, it will uctuate. am both, and sometimes am so fluidly both that am neither.”

“A truly queer world would have no labels, because there wouldn’t be identifying, underlying categories of desire.”

Helen, 57, identifies as Queer

“Queer, to me, means fluidity. Queer is like a river. A tidal river in which all of the currents are mixed, whereas straight, gay, lesbian are all currents. To me queer is the whole river, and they’re all blended. It manifests itself in a lack of personal judgement for others in how they perceive themselves.

As for myself, I’m queer – I’m fluid. In my life would have been the fish swimming through all the currents. It’s part of me. don’t feel the need to express it in one way or another particularly. It just is. feel more uncomfortable describing myself as homosexual or heterosexual or bisexual. mean, desire is at the core of everything. You want, so you go and get, and it drives human behaviour. A truly queer world would have no labels, because there wouldn’t be identifying, underlying categories of desire. And desire itself believe is a lot more uid than people would give it credit for.

There are people who think desire is fueled by the death wish; there are people who say that desire is fueled by sexual repression. But in fact believe that desire is a lot more uid. l don’t limit queer to sexual identity. It expands across the spectrum of all desires. Queer desire is a good thing, because it does span across, and it does allow to some degree of acceptance. Because if you are queer, your desire by necessity doesn’t identify and negate the desire of others.

“What I would say to anyone reading this is get out there. Be yourself. Forget what society tells you to be.”

Tiff 31, identifies as Genderfluid

“I used to love Smirnoff ’s tagline ‘lables are for bottles’. It suited me to a tee. mean you have your scale of sexual orientation, and think no one is 100 per cent either way. Everyone occupies some space on the spectrum, from your most stereotypical, macho guy – who might be in the high 90s percentage-wise – to people know who are on the other end of the scale. Then there are people on the cis to trans spectrum, like my trans friend. Then there’s me, I’m 30/40 per cent on the cis side. That’s where the non-binary thing comes in. When I’m male I’m male, big bushy beard and all.

I’ve only recently really come to peace with being out as Tiff and reconciling my feminine and masculine sides. Over the winter went through a depression, just thinking ‘nah, you can’t do that’. My confidence was in the toilet, but I’m on a big up now.

In the past three months Tiff ’s been out a lot more. I’ve been dressing more androgynously, and my bright blue hair has happened. I’m more relaxed when I’m out.

At times see myself as a walking paradox. I’m crazy into my rugby; I’ve been to all four Leinster European Cup nals. I’m a regular on Hill 16, and I’m always cycling the Wicklow hills. Yet feel as if can’t express this as Tiff l guess my take is that everybody should be themselves, but thanks to our messed up society we can’t. Or at least not yet. What would say to anyone reading this is, get out there. Be yourself. Forget what society tells you to be.

“In terms of pansexuality, I think it’s about time that the LGBT community became more inclusive.”

Catalina, 31, identifies as Polyamorous Pansexual

“Most accurately, would describe myself as being a polyamorous pansexual. So, date people of all genders, and in the same period of time, with everybody knowing and them being okay with it. l grew up in Romania, which is an Eastern ex-Communist country, where homosexuality was only decriminalised in 2001. There are still no legal rights; there’s no civil partnership, no marriage, and in the small town where grew up didn’t actually know any queer people. It was only when moved to Bucharest to study that started volunteering with an LGBT organisation, realised there’s a whole world of identities out there.

For a number of years would have said ‘I’m bisexual’, then when started moving and travelling around the world and meeting people of diff erent genders, thought, ‘well okay it’s not just men and women, it’s a whole variety, so maybe bisexual doesn’t comprehend the whole variety of people that am attracted to’.

Then came across pansexuality and thought that’s pretty much closer than bisexuality. So it evolved.

To be honest hadn’t heard of bi-erasure until came to Ireland. In Romania there are people who define themselves as agender or asexual or pansexual. But when got here people were talking about bi-erasure, which means that bisexual people and by extension pansexual people are overlooked by the LGBT community.

In my small circle of friends, think there is very little bi-erasure. feel like am included. I’ve never had my lesbian friends telling me, ‘No you can’t date men’ and I’ve never had my straight friends telling me, ‘No you can’t date women’. l think people are still at the beginning comprehending polyamory here in Ireland. And in terms of pansexuality, think it is about time that the LGBT community became more inclusive. heard that recently they added ‘K’ for the kink community on the LGBT spectrum, so understand the concerns of just adding letters to the acronym. But think it’s more important to be inclusive and to make sure that everybody has their own space, that no matter how a person defines themselves, they have a place on the spectrum.”

“I can’t change who I am to suit someone else. I can only be myself and hope that there’s another person who is okay with that too.”

Lucie, 38, identifies as Asexual

“I had never heard the term ‘asexual’ until was in my 30s and it was such a relief to nd something that described me, albeit by defining a negative.

From a young age, the concept of sexual attraction was very alien to me. Instead of figuring out what wanted or not, learned to disguise my confusion and try to act like my friends, pretending that the enthusiasm and attraction was there. never questioned what it was that wanted, or indeed, didn’t want. told myself that was doing what had to do to be ‘normal’ and behave like my friends.

In my 20s when couldn’t take any more of this, threw myself into work, books, anything to take away the pain and confusion from that time. Over the years would sometimes identify with stories about people realising they were gay, and wanted this to be me. Then would realise that there was still something missing.

What thought over the years might be ‘crushes’ were usually situations where admired somebody, or felt close to them. But if examined it closely there was still that something missing, something that saw and heard about in others but couldn’t find within myself. would google terms like ‘sexual attraction’, searching through my memory for some hint that might finally give me some definition.

Only as managed to separate the diff erent issues and look at them from a more objective viewpoint did realise that regardless of the impact of any event in my life, who am is someone who has never experienced sexual attraction. It doesn’t stop me loving or wanting to connect to others. It doesn’t mean that relationships or intimacy are absent from my life.

Being able to understand and therefore communicate about myself gives me back my sense of safety and my place within any relationship that might happen in the future. don’t see myself as a very easy person to have a relationship with, but in therapy I’ve learned that if someone else can’t handle that, it’s not my fault.

I can’t change who am to suit someone else. can only be myself and hope that there’s another person who is okay with that too. This is where the term ‘asexual’ gives me such a sense of relief. It is what it is and it’s something that no longer need to berate or question myself over. For years what thought was a ‘symptom’ or something that further separated me from other people is actually part of who am.”