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Fast Forward

Left Behind

The past two decades will go down in history as a time when massive gains were made for the LGBT+ community in Ireland. From decriminalisation in 1993, successive governments have gradually expanded the recognition of LGBT+ rights with the introduction of new legislation, such as Marriage Equality and the Gender Recognition Act. However, attitudes change more slowly than legislation and changes have not happened at the same speed everywhere. Such as in my home county - Donegal.

Isolation is an issue which affects many in rural communities. The population of Donegal as a whole is isolated in terms of infrastructure, facilities and opportunities. These issues are magnified for LGBT+ young people.

There have been great developments for LGBT+ young people in the county over the last decade. The BreakOut youth group was founded in 2009 and has recently expanded to serve a number of towns in the county. However, difficulties remain for young people hoping to access this crucial service. A limited public transport system leaves young people waiting hours for infrequent buses, travelling long distances to attend weekly group meetings and sometimes prevents them from attending at all.

Those who are not out to their families or whose families are unsupportive may be unable to rely on parents to take them to meetings.

The Breakout group goes to Pride with BeLonG To every year. The national group meets in Dublin. For rural groups that means a day’s travelling and the underlying feeling that an event that celebrates inclusiveness and community is something that happens far away.

The close-knit nature of many rural communities where people do not have anonymity can also make the process of coming out difficult.

Mental health is an issue in Ireland as a whole but it disproportionately affects members of the LGBT+ community, especially those who face social isolation. A lack of visibility of LGBT+ people in rural areas increases those feelings - most people in the county have never seen an LGBT+ couple hold hands in public

Lack of facilities in rural areas translates to a lack of choice. If a young person is facing homophobic bullying and an unsupportive administration at school there may not be an alternative school in the area. If a young transgender person’s doctor is uninformed there may not be another doctor in the area and the young person could be hindered in accessing services.

There is a drain of young people from the county and this is especially the case for LGBT+ young people. For those who remain, isolation can increase as friends made in LGBT+ youth groups leave. Facilities for young people over the age of 18 dry up. There are little to no resources in most rural communities for this age group. There is the feeling of having been left behind. Young people who remain in rural communities after 18 may also be members of groups that have traditionally been unwelcoming towards LGBT+ people, such as the farming, sports and travelling communities.

If we do not build a rural environment where LGBT+ young people feel included, then these young people will continue to leave. In these young people we are losing a valuable force for change. There have been massive improvements for LGBT+ people in this country but we need to ensure no one is left behind.

(dis)connected?

Modern society has a lot to owe the internet - Wikipedia, endless streams of entertainment, last night’s hookup - but few groups have more gratitude for the internet than the LGBT+ community.

Growing up in the digital age comes with its ups and downs, but as a young queer person today it’s definitely hard to romanticise the unplugged past.

Social media and modern technology gives LGBT+ people the space to explore our identities incognito mode, and later affirm them out-and-proud. Many of us have found solace in the heartwarming comments under a coming-out video or even found our people by fanbodying over an LGBT+ artist on Twitter.

Despite the conservative establishment’s attempts to demonitise, age-restrict and downright delete LGBT+ content, social media cannot stop ordinary people from expressing themselves. Rather than advertisers and entertainment producers dictating what we are exposed to on a daily basis (the richest, the whitest, the straightest and the most cisgender no doubt), young people today are growing up normalised to the words gay, ace and trans.

We can see the tremendous effects of this exposure - it’s much harder to throw around homophobic slurs in school after watching a lesbian struggle with her unaccepting family online. It’s also much harder to disown your lesbian daughter after an LGBT+ support service reminds you that she’s the same person she always was, except now she’s brave enough to tell you that she likes girls. The internet helps transform heteronormative societies hostile to the LGBT+ community into heteronormative societies less hostile to the LGBT+ community.

Moreover, queer-friendly websites are an invaluable resource for young people who cannot simply ask friends and family for appropriate advice and support, especially in a country that fails to provide all of its students with comprehensive relationships and sex education (Leo, stop blocking the Sex Ed Bill!). The internet allows queer teenagers, often forgotten in classrooms, to learn how to practise safe, consensual and enjoyable sex.

However, this is by no means an ode to YouTube and Instagram - am far from a fan of far-right figures promoting hate speech on Twitter, nor neoliberal entities commodifying queer relationships. These facets of the online world, whilst often challenged by storms of progression, can further isolate LGBT+ people who may be using their social media presence to break free from the ostracisation they face IRL.

And, although virtual friends and binge-watching Drag Race can help a certain sect of social pariahs, that’s only including the ones with a functioning internet connection. We cannot give in to the illusion that all LGBT+ people can simply run away from their dull, black-and-white lives at a touch of a button, when millions are left entirely unsupported.

Instagram, Facebook and Snapchat can paint these glossy images that may appeal to the eye but are nonetheless filtered and distorted. We know that social media festers unrealistic expectations by presenting the highlights of people’s lives, yet we are still affected by them, often subconsciously. Influencers that luck out from algorithms and privileged backgrounds can make us feel worthless if we don’t happen to be a world class singer at 17, a billionaire at 25, or married at 30. This can stunt the confidence of an insecure teenager like myself, vulnerable to the uglied emotions of FOMO, isolation and selfcomparison. These feelings are not foreign to the average social media user, addicted to the seemingly-innocent act of scrolling.

With the dawn of 2020 in sight, it has never been easier to disconnect from the human world and convert to a virtual existence (or existences). The internet and modern technologies provide us with a much-needed respite from the chaos of life, whilst simultaneously perpetrating the chaotic capitalist culture we attempt to shield ourselves from. The internet can make us feel so connected to our queer community and selves, but can also make us feel lonelier than ever.

As almost every element of life adopts an online form, we’re using the web for work and school, and we’re certainly not switching off once we get home. It can be so tempting to ditch real-life discussions for googling, and chats over tea for texts and passive-aggressive Facebook posts, but no matter how innovative and smart technologies become, we cannot be slaves to our screens.

Rather, everything in moderation; physical queer social spaces should be accessible to everyone. Not just to Dubliners who enjoy a drink, but to all LGBT+ people who currently rely on the internet for connectivity. Particularly in a tense political climate overloaded with threats from the far-right and corporations burning our planet for profit, it is essential that we truly band together to challenge the status quo. And sometimes a text or selfie just doesn’t cut it - after all, we are people not personas.

Safe Spaces

As a young member of the LGBT+ community, believe that safe spaces are very important to have. And feel like there aren’t enough of them available.

Adults have many safe spaces to choose from; they have their gay bars, gay clubs and the like, but young people can’t access those and have very few safe environments where we can openly express ourselves. Yes, there are some safe spaces available to young people (like LGBT+ young clubs, and GSAs) but from my experience, they are scarce in number.

A GSA (Gender and Sexuality Alliance) is a student-run club, typically in a secondary school, which provides a safe place for students to meet up and talk about issues related to sexuality, gender identity and expression, and work to end homophobia and transphobia. Many GSAs function as a support group and provide safety and confidentiality to students. Approximately three percent of people are LGBT+, which means that there would be more than 20 LGBT+ young people in the average school. However, not many schools will have a GSA, nor will every school openly support their LGBT+ students, which leaves LGBT+ students without a safe place.

LGBT+ youth groups, such as My Unique Identity (MUI) in the Vault in Carlow Town (which I am a member of), are amazing for young people to have. It gives them somewhere safe to meet up, socialise, relax, and talk about things that are important to them. Many LGBT+ youth groups will also participate in activities that promote LGBT+ issues. I know that while I’ve been a member of MUI, we have filled out surveys regarding LGBT+ topics, walked in the Carlow Pride Parade, and even made a short film promoting trans awareness.

LGBT+ youth are much more prone to depression and anxiety than our cishet peers, due to being surrounded by persistent prejudices, stereotyping and discrimination. Having a safe space allows us to feel included and valid because we can see that there are people like us who live the same lives and deal with the same issues.

A safe space doesn’t necessarily need to have an entire building devoted to it, but there should be somewhere for us to meet up regularly - be it a GSA, an LGBT+ youth group, a group that meets up in the local community centre, or a queer-themed evening in a bookshop. A safe space can be anything and anywhere as long as it is a friendly environment for everyone to be their true selves.

Overcoming Pressures

LGBT+ teenagers are impacted by different situations today, whether it be due to social media, school life or family life. These situations may have a positive or negative impact on each individual.

Like me, you may be a part of the LGBT+ community and although today’s society is more accepting than before, there is no doubt today’s generation are exposed to much more due to social media.

I would consider social media to be influential yet destructive for a young LGBT+ teenager. At the touch of a button we are exposed to much more information. There are many positive impacts of social media. For LGBT+ teenagers, the internet can be a refuge, a safe haven to feel normal and to see, hear and read about people just like them. It is a place for them to interact and be who they are. Although these impacts are outstanding, there is also the negative side of social media. Being LGBT+ online means that we are exposed to cyberbullying and harassment around our sexuality and gender identity. LGBT+ youth who experience this will more than likely suffer from low self-esteem and the feeling that they are not accepted.

School life is another topic that can have positive and negative impacts on an LGBT+ teenager today. The start of our teenage years is when we begin to understand who we are. Being out of the closet in school can be hard, but the support from peers and teachers can help greatly. Teenagers can be cruel and many LGBT+ people can encounter homophobia, verbal/physical abuse and feeling unsafe. Some LGBT+ students do not come out due to the fear of being judged.

The final topic is family-life which, in my opinion, is the most important out of the three. Family is one of the most important things for anyone. They are your blood. Being an LGBT+ teenager and figuring out who you are can be stressful and many people experience different responses from their families. For an LGBT+ teenager to be accepted by their family may be one of the most important things for them. Being supported will impact their mental health. However, some people do not get this privilege and they may feel unwanted, unloved or disowned. In some cases, parents may disown a child based on who they are and that may affect their life for a long time.

Our world today is said to be much more accepting than before, we are living in a historical time of acceptance. Sadly, many LGBT+ teenagers do not get this acceptance. However, there are many ways to get the support needed. Talking to peers and youth groups is an excellent way to relieve pressure.

Growing up Lesbian in Modern Society

These days, social media is everything and it is extremely influential. People’s opinions and views are shaped by what they see and hear online, which is why media representation of the LGBT+ community is so important, it’s what is seen that will influence how we in turn are seen.

Social media is amazing in spreading the word about our community and informing people about all the different sexual orientations and gender identities. However, we’re only breaking the surface in child-friendly LGBT+ representation in television.

Lesbians in television have a reputation of being sexualised time and time again, and behaviour like this is very harmful to young queer girls finding who they are. I was 12 when began to question my sexuality. I had nobody to answer all my questions, all had was social media and television. But everything saw led me into fearing my own sexuality. I was surrounded by things like Orange Is The New Black and Blue Is The Warmest Colour, which are not suitable for the eyes of a 12 year-old, which led me to thinking sex was all lesbians were for.

There is nothing geared towards younger generations with lesbians in normal, loving relationships, like Love, Simon and Andi Mack, which both feature a gay teenager in normal child- friendly circumstances. Shows that did have main teenage lesbian relationships have been cancelled. Even Glee had a lesbian relationship, with barely any plot, unlike their male counterparts who had a loving plot that made sense and seemed to get all of the attention. It is very harmful to young queer girls to have no representation growing up. All this sexualisation makes the word alone a taboo subject and can make people uncomfortable to hear it. It’s taken me four years to finally be comfortable enough to call myself a lesbian.

The sexualisation of lesbians in the media is mirrored in society. Everybody in the LGBT+ community faces discrimination or abuse at some point, but if/when you hear of lesbians being attacked in the news, it’s never just because of their sexuality. It’s because they didn’t do as they were told -they didn’t kiss and a group of boys beat them for it - and that’s only one of the stories that hit the news.

In the time I’ve spent in this community, I’ve noticed how overlooked lesbians are. Issues of lesbian hate crimes go unnoticed unless you look for them. It is extremely hard to be a young lesbian today, with the homophobia, and sexism. Even lesbian porn is mostly viewed by straight males.

There is a long way to go until lesbians are viewed as equal human beings, here for more than just sex. We need to make a bigger change, to break the idea that lesbianism is dirty. We need to start with the media representation of lesbians which in turn will have a positive effect on the wellbeing of a whole generation of young queer girls.

A Crash Course In RuPaul

Rupaul is one of the most famous drag queens in the world. His iconic style, looks, hair and make-up are recognised by everyone. He has opened up many doors for the drag community and also opened up many people’s eyes. Which is what I’m going to get into today.

RuPaul’s Drag Race started in 2009 - in the vein of America’s Next Top Model, it was a competition where drag queens compete against each other in challenges, runways, and even lip-syncs against each other. The winner of the show gets a cash prize of $100,000 dollars and the title of ‘America’s Next Drag Superstar’.

The show has blown up across the world and has gone on for 11 seasons so far, not including the All Stars versions. There is even a UK version which has just started.

The show has opened up people’s eyes and it really shows the craft and the work drag artists put into their performances, looks, hair, makeup and costumes etc. It also opens up doors for the queens on the show as they go on to tour around the world, get magazine deals, become brand ambassadors for big companies like MAC and gain a social media following.

Although Drag Race is an amazing show, not all topics are spoken about. The show only showcases male drag artists and not drag kings. Unfortunately a lot of queens who are on the show get abuse online, some even physical abuse, but they still stay true to themselves.

Some queens who have been on the show have transitioned, like for example Peppermint, who was starting her transition whilst filming. Some queens are non-binary like, Valentina from season nine. Valentina said that she feels like she is neither man nor woman, that she is a goddess, she feels like she is her own gender, which thought was a very powerful statement.

I think doing drag is a very fun thing to try out and explore. Drag is very powerful and beautiful. It’s a very freeing thing to do even though it is a very restricting process you put yourself through, with the wigs, makeup, costumes and everything in between. It makes people feel confident, and anyone can do drag no matter what age, gender or sexual orientation you are. Drag is an art.

Since watching Drag Race, it has inspired me and have found such a love for drag. And in the wise words of RuPaul - “If you can’t love yourself, how the hell are you gonna love somebody else?”

Now, sashay away.

In The Closet At Home

If you’re reading this, chances are you’ve had to come out to someone at some point. And if you haven’t, that’s okay. The thing about being gay, we constantly must come out when we meet new people. Another thing about being gay is not being able to come out.

My friends and very few people in my family know that I’m bi. Even fewer know that I’m non-binary. The only people who know about my sexuality and gender are the people trust. But the thing is - you should trust your family. So how come so many of us are terrified of telling our parents about who we are? One thing my mum always says to me is to come to her when I’m having any troubles. I don’t though, not about this. I love my parents, do, but they are so blatantly homophobic. Being around them triggers me so much.

Being around my parents’ toxicity makes me feel like can’t be myself. I don’t feel comfortable around them because they are so negative. I’ve sat down and had conversations with myself about coming out to them. Then think about what they would do if ever did come out to them. It makes me so scared. Every time they hear something on the news about anything LGBT+, they fill up with so much hate for them; for us; for me. It makes me feel terrible about myself.

I was brought up Christian, so when started to realise was gay, was filled with so much internalised homophobia and self-loathing. Not being able to trust my parents, who claim to love me, it just fills me with so much isolation. It’s who they are, strictly Christian, and black. Anything that strays from their views of ‘normal’ is unacceptable.

Through all this pain and difficulty, still find myself smiling and laughing. That’s all thanks to the friends I’m surrounded by. I’m lucky enough to have my friends accept me in ways my family wouldn’t. They are there for me through everything; when can’t deal with being with my family, when I’ve had my heart broken, everything.

My friends are the family chose. Yes, that’s a cliché line, but it’s true. I love them so much. They never judge me, but they are honest with me. They never hurt me, and they won’t mislead me.

Another great thing that stemmed from having such amazing friends was the youth group joined. Every week, they’d try to get me to go to the group. I put it off for ages because was afraid to meet new people. But everyone I’ve met there has been amazing. They’re part of my family.

This is how feel about not being able to come out in a very homophobic family and atmosphere. If this is something you can relate to, know you’re not alone. If you’re lucky enough not to have experienced this, envy you. I hope you appreciate it.

In the end, we’re not alone if we have friends who appreciate and accept us.

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