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Shirley’s Burn Book

Mark Zuckerberg is an Over-sharer

It’s been tough for Facebook, ever since we discovered that even Lidl in Tallaght has better security. Facebook’s share price fell harder than Dolly Grip at a boozy brunch, and poor Mark Zuckerberg has lost loads of money… and even more Facebook friends. #DeleteFacebook

Now, Mark and I have been friends since Bebo, so I know he won’t mind me sharing this... He doesn’t mind anybody sharing anything. Mark admits he has made mistakes and he is sorry. And it will be his personal challenge to make Facebook a better tool for society.

Of course, it would be more of a challenge to make Facebook worse.

Adele is a Wedding Singer

Adele recently got ordained as a wedding minister and married her BFF Alan Carr. (She didn’t marry him herself. She’s already married. Besides, could you imagine their kids?)

Adele hosted the wedding of Alan and his long-term partner at her Los Angeles home and offered a full-service package that would be hard to beat. She officiated at the ceremony, sung for the first dance and was the best man.

Adele has had vocal troubles over the past few years, so if she’s considering a new career as a celebrity wedding minister, Meghan Markle and Prince Harry could do a lot worse. And they probably will.

Jeremy Meeks Has Cashed In!

The internet hasn’t been all bad. Well, at least not for that ‘Hot Convict’ guy. Thanks to people like you sharing his sexy mugshot online, Jeremy Meeks became internet-famous and is now a top male model wearing all the top clothes.

But it’s a tale of rags and riches for Meeks because he has also managed to snag himself a rich girlfriend: Chloe Green, heiress to the £3.8 billion TopShop fortune. That’s a lot of bail money!

Chloe’s dad, the legendary tax avoider and vulture capitalist, Sir Philip Green, wasn’t very keen at the start. But now that Chloe is happily pregnant with a Hot Convict Baby, he is slowly coming around to the idea that this is not a hostile takeover.

I hope Hot Convict isn’t making a mug of them all.

Don’t Enter Drag Race!

Is it the beginning of the end for RuPaul’s Drag Race? First Ben DelaCreme decided to quit halfway through a series, which she was looking certain to win. Now, the most talked about queen of this season is Miss Vanjie, who sashayed away in the very first episode.

At this rate, the winner of next season will be a queen who doesn’t even enter.

The Pope is a Total Flop

All the biggest acts are coming to Ireland this summer. You’ve got The Rolling Stones, Taylor Swift and… um… the Pope. Tickets to see Tay Tay or the Stones sold out immediately, yet tickets for Il Papa are still widely available. #Easy

Organisers of the World Meeting of Families are saying there is nothing to worry about and that the Pope’s Irish visit will be a guaranteed sell-out in the end.

I guess Good Catholics just prefer to wait.

This article appears in the 341 Issue of GCN

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This article appears in the 341 Issue of GCN