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Shirley’s Burn Book

Vogue Williams should be me

Rated 3 out of 3

I’ll be spending Christmas Day under a duvet with Vogue Williams’ new book and a bottle of gin (I know which I’ll get through faster). Vogue’s book is a self-help tome that promises to help you to become the best version of you... basically by copying Vogue. Of course, there’s nothing basic about Vogue. And I think she probably is the best version of me that I can be. But can we all agree that if somebody else is telling you what to do, it’s technically not ‘self-help’?

Brexit should be on Netflix

Rated 2 out of 2

I’m really enjoying the latest season of Brexit. It’s got all the best laughs, exciting cliffhangers and shock revelations. But I can’t help feeling they’ve shot their load too early. I mean, what can they possibly have Theresa May and her team of clowns do next year that’s not totally implausible? I hope they don’t ruin what’s become the best comedy on TV.

Saoirse Ronan is a Brit

Rated 3 out of 3

Poor Saoirse Ronan got slayed for doing a really awful sketch on Saturday Night Live. Yes, the paddywhackery was shocking – and they gave Aer Lingus a hard time (the cheek!) – but it’s hardly enough to demand she hand back her passport.

Don’t mind the begrudgers, Saoirse. Just ask The Sun to call you British and they’ll all be falling over to claim you as Irish again.

Camilla Cabello is throwing shade

Rated 2 out of 2

Camilla Cabello left Fifth Harmony last year in dodgy circumstances, and since then the shade has been intense. It reached epic level when a stand-in ‘Camilla’ was thrown off the stage in the band’s VMAs performance in August. Bye Felicia! Now Camilla is getting shady back. She’s bragging online about her success in the charts with ‘Havana’, and her new single is about fake friends. So much for Harmony, eh?

Beyoncé is harder to reach than God

Rated 5 out of 5

What do you give the woman who has everything? Not, not me, FFS. Beyoncé! Well, apparently the one thing Queen B can’t get enough of is email addresses. Ed Sheeran recently revealed how Beyoncé gets a new email address every week! So even though they were in touch recently to collaborate on ‘Perfect’, he now has no way of contacting her again. Another flawless move from Beyoncé!

This article appears in the 337 Issue of GCN

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This article appears in the 337 Issue of GCN