Loving Ann Louise

Letting My Beloved Ann Louise Go

Isn’t she lovely...Isn’t she beautiful…

Ann Louise and I would often speak publically together. In the earlier period of our lives in Ireland, we would give countless lectures and workshops on feminist theology and spirituality. In the more recent period, we would speak passionately about our desire for freedom to be ourselves as lesbian women, and our vision of marriage equality for and in Ireland.

Ann Louise was the most powerful public speaker I knew. So, to follow her was often daunting. And yet, the gaze of her love to me, and mine back to her, always dissipated any feelings of being daunted, and I was often moved to begin my contribution with ...

“Isn’t she lovely...Isn’t she beautiful…”

And I know that there are countless others throughout this country who thought that about my beloved Ann Louise.

Of course I didn’t know that when I first set my eyes on sweet Ann Louise. She was young, vivacious, creative, deeply thoughtful, fearless. It was the first time I spotted her green eyes. And over the past 87 days of her recent illness every day I would gaze at those green eyes, and no matter how much she was struggling with responding to what was going on in her brain, I could connect with her beautiful mind through those green eyes. And for me, her green eyes were always the pathway to her immensely generous and abundant heart.

I had so many names for her – ‘Ann Louise’, Annie, darling, sweetheart, green eyes. Every day I would tell her that she was ‘my life and my light’, my counsellor, my advisor, my best friend, my forever friend, my beloved life partner and spouse.

Six weeks after we met in 1981 we decided to spend the rest of our lives together. We often said to each other that we hoped to ‘be ladies in our eighties.’ While I know now that was not meant to be, that desire filled every moment of our love for each other in the present. During the last few days of her illness, when the breadth of our conversations were drawn in, we spoke mostly about how blessed we were to have had the gift of such love between us. We talked mostly about love.

How do I love thee, Ann Louise? Let me count the ways.

I love your fearlessness, especially when it was mixed with your great send of fun. Ann Louise drove a bright red BMW motor scooter for years, and only stopped because of blindness after her first haemorrage. It was one of the hardest ‘letting gos’ for her. Prior to that, however, several times a week she would gear up, put on the big helmet, and drive the bike out our gate. I would often watch as she left, bless myself, and try to celebrate the freedom she felt on that bike.

How do I love thee, Ann Louise? Let me count the ways.

I love your extraordinary sense of hope, that fuels your positive approach to all things in life, especially its greatest challenges.

After her last visit to the eye specialist in Beaumont, a number of months ago now, Ann Louise wrote in her journal:

“My sight has not improved – but my capacity to use what I have left has improved.”

How do I love thee, Ann Louise? Let me count the ways.

I love your fierce independence and the ways in which you surrendered it with such grace and dignity during your last days.

How do I love thee Ann Louise? Let me count the ways.

I love your wisdom and depth of acceptance of what is given.

The evening after her medical team told Ann Louise that she would not recover, she looked at me and said: “I am just thinking again about the conversation. Did Joe say that I was going to die?” And I responded, “Yes Ann Louise.” And then I asked her, “Are you afraid Ann Louise?” And she said. “No. I was not afraid before entering the world and I am not afraid to leave it.”

How do I love thee Ann Louise? Let me count the ways.

I love your beautiful mind, your brilliance, creativity, and the ways in which you thought deeply about everything.

How do I love thee Ann Louise? Let me count the ways.

I love how you loved me.

Ann Louise was so proud of my appointment as an Irish Cabinet Minister. She waited for my re-appointment, and passed away quietly and peacefully only hours after it happened.

And now I have to let you go.

Beloved.

A TRIBUTE TO Dr. Ann Louise Gilligan

from the Chairwoman of Marriage Equality and Co-Director of the Yes Equaity campaign, Grainne Healy

When Ann Louise Gilligan and Katherine Zappone invited us to walk with them in 2004 as they took their case against the Irish government to have their Canadian marriage recognised, it was the spark that lit the flame on the journey to marriage equality here in Ireland. It was an offer we could not refuse.

It was clear that Ann Louise was excited about the possibilities of the challenge – excited about the potential it presented for radical education – excited about the transformational possibilities she could foresee then that some of us only vaguely imagined. She envisioned, she incited and she enthused us.

As chairwoman of Marriage Equality since the beginning days, I witnessed Ann Louise and Katherine provide the leadership and inspiration which gave the campaign the zeal to succeed. Ann Louise in particular informed our communications strategy with her wisdom of the need to focus, not just on the broadsheet media to carry the message of liberation and freedom to marry of lesbian and gay citizens, but of the necessity of getting our messages into all media platforms and media spaces. Her vision of marriage equality as essentially a process of education was always to the forefront of her analysis. At the many Marriage Equality board meetings she attended over the decade of the journey, she helped us keep that focus.

Ann Louise had a way of making each of us feel that we were great leaders, that we were, in our shared feminist analysis, doing what simply what was right and what was just.

Her model of feminist leadership permeated the work of Marriage Equality over its decade. Many of the messages which emerged as winning messages of the Yes Equality campaign in 2015, were messages of love – parsed and honed by Ann Louise, whether it was love between loving couples modelled by herself and Katherine, or the love between parents and their LGBT children, or the love between same-sex parents and their children. Ann Louise’s vision for Marriage Equality carried the campaign to fulfill its promise. It was a privilege to have had her as the wind beneath our wings, for so many years.

Ann Louise Gilligan’s legacy is amazing and I thank her for the privilege of allowing myself and the board, staff and supporters of Marriage Equality and the people of Ireland, the honour of travelling with her and Katherine on that successful and transformative journey.

I am reminded of Ann Louise and her life when I read bell hooks’ words – when she says: “I will not have my life narrowed down. I will not bow to somebody else’s whim or to somebody else’s ignorance.”

May she rest in peace.